Prankster
by demonrubberducky
Summary: A rash of pranks has broken out in Konoha in the aftermath of the Chuunin Exams. Kakashi is determined to find the ninja responsible, but just who will be outwitting who? KxI
1. Chapter 1

Pairings: KakaIru (the sweetest pairing eva!)

Time Period: 1 year after the chuunin exam

Rating: M (for all you guys who complained that my stories need more smut, just you wait! wink wink

Spoilers- The Chuunin Exams and slightly after

Summary- A rash of pranks has broken out in Konoha in the aftermath of the Chuunin Exams, and Kakashi is determined to discover the ninja behind them. Just who will be outwitting who, though? KxI

Prankster

Chapter 1: The Beginning

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

_Generations after it had ended and the actual participants had been long forgotten, stories about Konoha's Great Prank War were still being told at the sleep-overs and gathering of ninja youths. Although the finer details hadn't survived the ages and the story itself had taken on the qualities of an urban legend, the fantastical tales of pranks played and mischief made still inspired well-intended mayhem all over the village. The new generations of pranksters didn't know the name Umino Iruka as anything other than a faded name on the village's Memorial Stone, but if the grand prankster had still been alive, he would have smiled to have known the spirit of the Prank War survived. _

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The Great War started, ironically enough, with a nondescript package, delivered to one Hatake Kakashi on a Tuesday afternoon in the Mission Room. When the Courier Ninja appeared, shoved the box into the copy ninja's gloved hands, and left, the entire room gathered around to see what was inside. The irony of the situation was that the innocence of the box (a brown cardboard package tied with ordinary white string) was what drew the crowd. Had the box been covered in warning labels or carried a death threat with it, Kakashi would have opened it without ado and life in the Mission Room would have continued as normal. However, ninja, especially the elite jounin, carried a deeply ingrained and well-justified mistrust of 'ordinary' objects.

An hour after its delivery, the package remained unopened. The brown cardboard box had been subjected to five different types of chakra tests, to determine if the contents were flammable, combustible, poisonous, or otherwise dangerous. An Inuzuka had offered the use of her dog, which hadn't detected any dangerous scents, and a Nara had rattled off the statistics of the box still holding any threat (73 to 5, for all the sense the numbers made to any of the other ninja). The package had been poked, prodded, shaken, and otherwise accosted, but nothing was discovered about its contents.

By this time, the more sensible chuunins had received their missions and left, having seen after the first twenty minutes that nothing exciting was going to happen for at least another half hour. Only the jounin remained in the room, as well as the two chuunin on Mission Board Duty. The first, Kotetsu, yawned and rolled his eyes at the antics of the 'elite' shinobi; the second, Iruka, chuckled as he watched the highest level ninja of his village poke mercilessly at the cardboard sides of the box with a katana.

"Have you checked it for listening devices?" he asked, his amusement clear in his voice. The shinobi gasped; they hadn't! The enemy could have been listening to their strategies the entire time!

Kakashi called his fellow jounin to silence with a finger to his masked lips, and carefully placed his ear against the box, listening for the tell-tale electrical hum of a bugging device. A tense stillness filled the room. Finally, the man lifted his perpetually cow-licked head.

"I don't hear anything." Kakashi proclaimed. The other jounin let out a sigh of relief.

"Should we dust if for fingerprints?" Someone asked.

"What sort of ninja would leave fingerprints?" Another protested. "It's pointless to check."

The jounin continued 'strategizing' (they were too elite to 'argue') about what to do with the box, until a voice that had up until now been silent spoke up.

"The box is perfectly safe. You can open it, Kakashi-san." Hyuuga Neji said. Although with his white eyes made the gesture of rolling his eyes useless, the implications that he was doing so was in his voice. He'd been inducted to the rank of jounin only a week before, and was still shadowing older jounin as training. He'd enjoyed a silent revenge for the rigorous and sometimes sadistic training they'd put him through by watching them toil over the harmless object for over an hour, but it was just getting ridiculous now. These people were supposed to be his superiors!

Kakashi opened the box with the flourish of a showman, cutting the strings that bound it one by one to build suspense. He opened the cardboard flaps reverently, and reached inside to pull out the long-anticipated cargo. A folded up cloth occupied the package. Kakashi held it up and gave it a shake in the air to unfold it.

It was a tee-shirt.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The tee-shirts like the one Kakashi held in the Mission Room had been a fad in the village two months before. This being said, for about two weeks, any young ninja who was anyone had one; now, the much sought shirts lay at the bottom of drawers on in the back of closets, only worn by a few socially-defiant rebels or out-of-the-loop preteens.

They were normal enough, as far as shirts go: solid color prints with three picture boxes on the front. The first box contained a circle plate with a fork icon and a spoon icon on either side- "Eat." The second box had a simplistic symbol of a bed- "Sleep." The third box was the only variance of the shirts, besides the color. This box would contain a symbol representing the activity of choice of the wearer. Some had soccer balls or lacrosse sticks or goggles. A special print went out when they first gained popularity in the village, with a little kunai in the third box for the life of a ninja.

The tee-shirt that Kakashi held up for the entire Mission Room to behold had a different third box, one that had never been printed in Konoha or anywhere else. The shirt had been altered with flawless craftsmanship.

The first two boxes were still the same. The third box, however, exacted gut-wrenching laughter from all who could see it (even Hyuuga Neji smiled and chuckled quietly, a testament to the hilarity). Expertly sewn on so that it seemed like the original message was a symbol of a book, with a big circle with a slash on it. "Eat. Sleep. Porn." The message read.

Kakashi blinked his visible eye as his companions rolled on the floor laughing. He turned the shirt around so he could see the front, and stared blankly at it.

"I don't get what's so funny." He said. The others looked on him with disbelief.

"It fits you like a glove, Kakashi!" Asuma said. The others sounded their agreement.

"Does not! I don't even read my novels that often." Kakashi's protest, though voiced firmly, was belied by the fact that his nose was buried in Icha Icha Paradise at that very moment.

The other ninja just continued laughing at him, urging him to put on the shirt.

"Who do you think sent it?" They asked him. A search revealed no card, nor any evidence of the sender's identity.

"I don't know. It's not a special occasion or anything." Kakashi shrugged. "It doesn't matter, though." He lied. The need to know who sent the mysterious package was eating him up. He had to find the culprit and set them straight about his favorite past time. It wouldn't do for people to go around thinking all he did was read those masterfully written pieces of literary genius. He was a mysterious and complex ninja, and he would make sure the sender knew it!

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The mysterious happenings in Konoha didn't stop there. The day after the Tee-Shirt Incident, every teacher at the Konoha Ninja Academy came in to their classroom with hair dyed bright, impossible colors. None of them could testify to having seen or heard anything mysterious or detected any presence in their homes, yet every one of them had woken up with locks of electric blue or forest green, or a rainbow of other magnificent shades. The students were delighted. The second their teachers' eyes left them, they would break out into peals of laughter.

At first, the pranks were limited to the Academy. To the absolute elation of the Iruka's students, later in the day, as the now blue-haired sensei stepped out of the room to speak with the sensei next door about a strange noise he'd heard, a man in a dog suit and mask transported himself into the classroom and gestured to the children to keep quiet. They'd watched in fascination as he'd picked up the stack of a grueling hard homework they'd just turned in (and most likely failed), rolled it into a tight cylinder, and slid it into his mouth like a sword-swallower. As the papers disappeared, the dog-man saluted the children and transported away. Iruka came back into the room.

"Children, where'd your homework go?" He asked sternly.

Every child, even the most honest and trustworthy, chorused simultaneously, "A dog ate out homework, sensei!" They had erupted into laughter once more.

Their good moods spread to everyone they came into contact with.

After the battle with the ninja of Sound during the chuunin exam, the village of Konoha had been filled with an aura of gloom. The combined blows of the numerous deaths, especially of the Third, the disappearance of Uchiha Sasuke, and the absence of Uzumaki Naruto (who, despite being hated by the majority of the village, always managed to infect others with his cheerfulness), had left the citizens of Konoha in despair.

For the first time since the Third's death, more people in the village were smiling than frowning. But the changes in the village didn't stop there.

The next day, the villagers awoke to a delicate tinkling sound. Throughout Konoha, tied to branches and street signs and anywhere possible, were hundreds of little wind chimes. There was a gentle breeze that day, so everyone listened and moved in time with the music of the wind as they walked. Moral jumped to nearly seventy-five percent. The children were ecstatic, (although their cheer was dimmed slightly when their homework really was collected that day), and their parents were happy to see their children animated and lively once more.

There were only three distinct groups that were not happy with the actions of "The Prankster", as they called the one responsible: one, the traditional and very conservative-minded village elders, who disapproved of anything fun; two, the paranoid veteran ninja, who were threatened by a ninja who could sneak in and out of houses and around the village undetected (even though nothing had been stolen or hurt as far as they knew); and three, the teachers, who were finding their students more and more distracted as they searched for any evidence of the prankster throughout the day.

And evidence they did find. In Ebisu-sensei's class, in which the student's desks faced the window outside, the prankster had appeared in the middle of the lecture on shuriken-throwing techniques. At first, only one or two had seen the mysterious figure at the window, with features obscured by a stylized Mardi Gras mask, but soon, the whole class was stealing covert glances at the window. The prankster held up a cue card that read "APPLAUSE!", and the students began clapping and cheering right in the middle of Ebisu's sentence.

"Quiet down, class!" He yelled at them. He looked around, trying to find the source of the disruption, but the prankster had already disappeared. He continued his lecture.

The prankster popped up once more, this time with a card reading "BOO!" which he held up as Ebisu asked "Does anyone have any questions?" The class booed.

Ebisu looked around frantically, but the prankster was out of sight again. The children refused to reveal the cause of their mysterious behavior, even when threatened with mass detention. Finally, realizing he wasn't going to get them to cooperate, Ebisu continued his lesson. The prankster waved at the students from the window, and held up his final cue-card. The class stood up. Ebisu kept lecturing, increasing his volume angrily. The students put their right feet out. They put their right feet in. They put their right feet in, and shook them all about. Ebisu tore at his hair in frustration. They did the Hokey Pokey and they turned themselves around. Ebisu looked at the window one last time, and saw the sign leaning against the glass panes, no prankster in sight. So, that's what it was all about.

Ebisu opened the window and snatched up the sign. It read, in big block print "DO THE HOKEY POKEY!" Beneath, in handwritten pencil, was the message: "Ebisu-san, you've got to learn to loosen up. Stress causes premature aging and early hair loss. ---Sincerely, The Prankster."

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

While the students of the academy were dancing and laughing and causing much premature aging and hair loss in their poor senseis, the jounin of the village were gossiping… ahem 'gathering information'… about the recent events.

"Who do you think this Prankster fellow is?" Genma asked.

"Nobody knows. It must be a jounin of higher, to be able to sneak around and not get caught." Asuma replied.

"Yeah." Raido agreed. "Pretty brilliant, only appearing to the kids. They're bragging about how they're the only ones who've managed to catch sight of him, yet they can't give a hair color, eye color, height, weight, age, or any distinguishing features. He makes them think they know what he looks like without having any real information to go by."

"Not that we'd be able to trust any physical description they could give us- they're too young to be able to detect a transformation jutsu, and this guy is too good to use his real form." Genma agreed.

"I think you're over-analyzing this. It's not some brilliant strategy. I think the Prankster just likes children." Kurenai interjected. "Everything he does has been about making people laugh, especially the children."

Kakashi, who had been standing silently in the corner, appearing to read his novel, added a note to the list he'd secretly stowed between the pages of his book. His list now read:

Prankster-

Male?

Jounin +

Neat handwriting

Sense of Humor

Pranking experience

Sewing skills

Likes children-connection to academy?

The list wasn't as long as he'd hoped it would be when he first started his covert information gathering. Most were just assumptions, and the things like a sense of humor and sewing skills were as commonplace as brown hair in the village, considering the short Carpe Diem attitudes of the villagers and the sheer amount of torn clothing encountered daily.

"What about my tee-shirt, though? That wasn't oriented at children?" Kakashi said finally. The offending article of clothing had grown on him, like some sort of spore-mold. He was wearing it at the moment, though he'd sewn a kunai patch sloppily underneath the three picture boxes, in defiance to the implications that all he did was read porn.

"Kakashi, we've told you before, your shirt and these pranks aren't connected. The motives and means are totally different." Kurenai told him gently. Kakashi shook his head, still convinced that the Prankster was responsible.

"Yeah, it's probably just a gift from a secret admirer with a sense of humor." Raido told him.

"They'd have to have a sense of humor to like Kakashi!" Genma added. Two shuriken whistled through the air and embedded themselves in the wall just above the honey-haired jounin's head.

"I'll go ask Iruka." Kakashi mumbled, lazily ambling off toward the Mission Room.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Shortly after the events of the chuunin exam, Hatake Kakashi and Umino Iruka had become friends. It hadn't happened right away; they both avoided each other directly after the conflict, because they both felt the other was in the wrong over the argument of the Rookie Nine's involvement in the trials. But after Naruto left town with Jiraiya and Sakura began training with Tsunade, they had both been left with three genin-shaped holes inside. Kakashi had been returning from a sake stand one evening and found Iruka sitting alone, slurping miserably at a bowl of miso ramen. Sensing a kindred soul, he'd sat down and the two had spent the better part of the night reminiscing about the wild antics of the former team seven.

The next day, Kakashi had been greeted with a casual "Good afternoon" when he received his day's mission from Iruka, rather than the cold stares he'd come to expect. A few nights and more than a couple bowls of ramen later, they'd become friends of sorts. He and Iruka carried on actual conversations when making mission transactions. They didn't ignore each other when they passed by on the streets.

One month ago, however, Kakashi had taken the tentative friendship to the next level. He invited him to a party Genma and Raido were throwing, firmly cementing the younger man into the role of 'friend'. Kakashi had never invited anyone to anything. And at this party, Kakashi had learned some vital information about Iruka. When a drunken Anko had started making passes at him, Iruka had become flustered and started blushing like a school-girl. Kakashi had been delighted at his discovery. It was so…amusing, watching the chuunin's cheeks redden and his scar go pale, to watch the defiant spark in his eyes grow as he tried to school his emotions away again.

The next day, Kakashi had tried his hand at making Iruka blush. It wasn't hard at all. Light fluttering touches and mild flirting was more than sufficient. Iruka spent an entire day flushing and stuttering, until he'd finally snapped while handing out the evening missions. The ever-polite chuunin had begun to let him down gently, _Kakashi-san, you're a wonderful person and I'm flattered that-_, when he'd noticed the smirks of the spectating ninja. There had been one last blush, which Kakashi had mentally nicknamed 'The Royal Flush' for its intensity, as Iruka realized that all the flirting had just been a joke. Then the chuunin went right back to normal. He received Kakashi's flirting, which had become a part of their routine, with good natured acceptance. On days when he was in one of his better moods, he'd even flirt back.

Kakashi had come to look forward to the times when he'd see Iruka, even if it meant having to complete on of slave-driver Tsunade's mission or fill out a mission report. And although he'd trust any of his jounin friends with his life on the battlefield, they couldn't be relied upon to provide the sound advice that Iruka seemed to pull out of his sleeves.

So when the copy ninja wanted help compiling the information known about the Prankster (his obsession hadn't dulled any over the past few days), he went to the chuunin. Iruka could be trusted to offer advice, keep their transactions discreet, and he even had connections to the scenes of the crime, the academy and the Mission Board. And if seeking the sensei's help meant he got to spend more time with him and use a few new lines acquired by Genma, so much the better.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The murmuring alerted Kakashi to the chaos in the Mission Room long before he actually sent foot into room. Inside, chuunin and jounin were shoving each other in the line, trying to get to the front. Several were reading lines from the mission assignments they held, and others were acting out strange parts.

"What's going on here?" He asked, using chakra to enhance the volume of his voice. He saw Iruka's head pop up above the crowd for a moment, and transported himself to that spot in the crowded room. He had to lean his head very close to Iruka's to hear the other man's voice.

"Someone slipped pages to a murder mystery dinner script into some of the mission assignments. Everyone thinks it's the Prankster. I don't know what all the fuss is about. It's not like any of the actual mission pages are missing." Iruka informed him.

The shinobi continued pushing and shouting. The other chuunin at the desk rubbed her temples, willing her headache away.

"EVERYONE CALM DOWN!" someone finally shouted. The crowd turned, and found the Fifth Hokage standing at the door. "All of you, OUT!" The ninja filed out, leaving only the two chuunin at the desk and Kakashi. Tsunade followed the crowd, promising to get everything worked out (which probably meant she was going to send them to Shizune to deal with).

"So, what do you need, Kakashi?" Iruka asked, once he'd gotten a chance to catch his breath in the now-empty room.

"Do I need an excuse to marvel at your beauty?" He asked lamely (it was an ongoing contest to see which would be lamer- Kakashi's excuses, or his pick-up lines. Both caused a large amount of brain-rotting with prolonged exposure). Iruka acted like Kakashi hadn't spoken.

"Do you have a mirror in your pocket?" the silver-haired jounin continued. "'Cause I can see myself in your pants."

"Oh! That reminds me, Kakashi. Kotetsu was telling me this awful line he heard the other day- it made me think of you. 'Did you know that there are 256 bones in your body?'" Iruka asked. Kakashi nodded. " 'Good. Could I show you how to get one more?'"

Kakashi chuckled, and stored that one away for later use.

"So, why are you really here, besides my sparkling eyes and captivating physique?" Iruka inquired.

Kakashi opened his book to the page with the list and shoved it into Iruka's face. He was rewarded with a blush.

"Kakashi! You know how I feel about those books!" He shouted. Kakashi removed the list and handed it to Iruka, making sure that their hands brushed as the paper was passed. Iruka read what Kakashi had written, smiling to himself.

"What do you know about the Prankster?" Kakashi asked. "I've got to figure out who he is." Iruka looked from the list to his friend.

"I don't know how much help I'll be. I haven't seen him, and looking at this list, there are a lot of people it could be. The only thing I can think to do is compile a list of the possible suspects, and keep eliminating who it can't be." Kakashi nodded. It would be time-consuming and tedious, but he was an elite ninja of Konoha. No task was too large! Especially if Iruka was there to help him out. Iruka, with his friendly smile, who seemed to find new amusement every time he looked at Kakashi's list…

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

I guess this is as good of a stopping point as any right now. Sorry, I don't have any clear divisions of where the chapters should start or end yet. Updates for this fic are probably going to be pretty spontaneous, I'll warn you now, considering AP exams are coming up (and I'm currently playing Suikoden V, which is where my time really goes (-; )

Just a few notes- there will be more Iruka-perspective in the chapters to come, for those of you who like to get into our favorite dolphin's head.

This entire story happened in my head because I saw someone at school wearing an "Eat. Sleep. Lacrosse." Shirt, and just randomly thought 'Kakashi needs one of those'. Wouldn't he be lovely in an "Eat Sleep Porn" shirt, though? If I could draw it, I most definitely would do so. Alas, though. My art inspires laughter, though not because of any wit, or even any effort on my part. I'll just stick to writing, thank you very much.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Sorry about the delay. I took my sweet time writing this, but I actually had it ready the day before yesterday. My internet has been being evil, though. I'm actually posting this from my parents computer, which I hate using. I really really want MY computer to work again!

The Prankster

Chapter 2: Not What I Planned

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Tsunade loved her village. She loved her huge office with a view, she loved the little children who hero-worshipped her and sent her crayon drawings to hang up on her walls. She loved the atmosphere of Konoha, its spirit of fire.

What she decisively _didn't_ like about Konoha, on days like this when all she wanted was a bottle of sake and fresh air, was the people. Why did she have to listen to them bitch, and solve all their problems?

"What's your complaint?" She asked with a sigh, hating whoever it was that had set up the damned system of 'official complaints'. Why couldn't they just solve things like decent ninja- with kunai?

One of the village elders, Susumu, took a deep breath. Damn it! That meant he was really going to ramble on. Tsunade gazed longingly at the door. Shizune was guarding it shrewdly, or else the Fifth Hokage would have left a clone in her place and escaped. Shizune knew her too well.

"We are here to lodge a formal complaint against the deviant known as the prankster. He has been disrupting the dignity of our village, and we have yet to see anything being done to cease his heinous actions. If we allow this to continue, more of our loyal citizens will be corrupted by this delinquent. He has all ready targeted our impressionable young children. We demand the Prankster be found and brought to justice!" Susumu declared with a thump of his fist on the table in front of him. Luckily, the sound woke Tsunade up (she'd drifted off to sleep during his monotonous speech, and would have embarrassed herself if she hadn't responded to his request).

"Does anyone have anything else to add?" She asked, managing not to yawn.

The head of the Konoha Academy stepped up. "I don't think this Prankster is trying to corrupt our youth, per say, but we have noticed a downward trend in grades since the pranks started two weeks ago. The students can't concentrate."

"The entire village has been affected!" Susumu interrupted. "Two weeks ago, fifteen jounin ninja skipped out on their missions because of that miscreant!"

"Excuse me, Sususmu-sama, but I don't really think that should be blamed on the Prankster." Iruka interjected. "The Jounin have always been an unpredictable bunch, and it's not unprecedented for them to decline a mission."

"But fifteen at once?" Susumu countered.

"Well, no, Susumu-sama. But they made the choice not to do the missions of their own accord. The Prankster didn't force them to do so."

"But they turned down missions they'd all ready accepted in order to act out that…what was it again?"

"A murder mystery, Susumu-sama." Iruka supplied.

"Yes, that murder mystery script the Prankster put in their mission reports. And they said they were doing it 'In honor of the Prankster.' This Prankster is obviously the source."

"Anyone else?" Tsunade asked.

The paranoid veteran ninja were the only complaining group not to have spoken up. One rose from his seat.

"Hokage-sama, we don't like it that there's a rogue shinobi running around the village that can slip in and out of our houses without being detected. It's not safe to just let this guy do whatever he wants."

"Have any of your houses been entered?" Tsunade asked. They shook their heads.

"Has anything been taken or destroyed? Has anyone been hurt?" She asked. Once again, they shook their heads.

"Has this Prankster done anything to cause any lasting damage?" Some of the more irate teachers made as if to speak up, but then thought better of it. The Prankster really couldn't be blamed for the short attention of their students (or the jounin, who were just big children with killing skills). The students were distracted by bad weather and news about foreign countries, too, and nobody was complaining about that.

"I will have someone look into this matter, but I really don't think that it's a top priority right now. Morale has risen back up to the levels it was before the attack by Sound, thanks to this Prankster. If he starts to pose a threat, we'll deal with him, but until then, he's harmless enough to be left alone." Tsunade waved her hand, signaling to them that discussion was over, get out now. The teachers, veterans, and most of the elders left. Only Susumu stayed behind.

"I want that man dealt with!" He hissed at her. She glanced at her nails, examining them for hangnails.

"I said I'd have someone look into it. Are you questioning my judgment?"

"No, Hokage-sama." He said, acid in his voice. Susumu walked out stiffly (probably the stick up his ass, Tsunade giggled to herself). The next group filed in. Tsunade sighed.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The next day, there was another change in the village. The children, who had been spreading chaos and raising hell trying to catch a glimpse of and then imitate the Prankster, were acting polite and well behaved. The teachers of Konoha Academy tried to dispel the genjutsu that had to have ensnared them, but it refused to be lifted.

The answer to this unfathomable behavior was later found, tacked to the wall outside of the Academy Building where the students gathered in the morning. A little notice, typed up to avoid hand-writing recognition, contrasted with the dark wooden wall it hung on. It read:

To all of the students of Konoha Academy;

It has come to my attention that attendance and grade averages have both dropped significantly since I began visiting you regularly. I regret to inform you that unless this trend changes, I will no longer be gracing you with my presence. I hope that this will not be the case. Please try your hardest in your school-work, everyone, so that I can continue to come and watch as you progress into full fledged shinobi and kunoichi.

Most sincerely yours,

The Prankster.

It was signed with a flowing script. The children were enthralled. The Prankster wanted to see them! He believed that they had what it takes to become a Konoha ninja. If the Prankster wanted them to do there best, the best they would do. The children were almost frantic to prove to the Prankster that they were doing well at the academy. Any extra credit that was offered was completed promptly, and entire classes stayed after hours to get help when they didn't understand something. Children were offering to help their senseis left and right.

And the teachers ate it up. The hellions they'd been struggling with for the past two weeks were suddenly transformed into angels, who offered to clean the chalkboard, sharpen practice weapons, take quizzes without complaint. By the end of the first day, the teachers of Konoha were blessing the name of the Prankster. They took the little tricks he played on them with good natured acceptance. They were willing to pretend not to notice the signs he taped on their backs if it meant that everyone in the class turned in all their homework.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi had been privately investigating the Academy when he saw the Hokage's falcon calling him to report to her. He quickly noted the latest prank (each child had woken up with a temporary tattoo on his or her forehead, in the shape on the Konoha leaf symbol; they believed it was a sign that the Prankster saw their potential to be powerful ninja) on the growing list in his Icha Icha novel and hurried to the Hokage's Office.

Outside the door, there was a basket full of clothes pin, and a sign that told Kakashi "Try Your Luck" hanging on it. Kakashi took one, not knowing what he was supposed to do with it, because under the sign was a scribbled drawing of the Prankster's now infamous Mardi Gras mask. 'He's no artist,' Kakashi added to his notes. 'Unless he drew that sloppily on purpose, to throw me off his trail.' The jounin decided not to cross the known artists of his list of suspects just yet.

When Kakashi lazily sauntered in to see the Hokage, he discovered what he was supposed to do with the clothes pin. There were twenty-three already clipped to Tsunade's back, on her pigtails and her green jacket, expertly spaced so that none of them would clank together as she paced around the room. She was too restless to sit down, so frustrated with her confinement to her office by the ever-diligent Shizune, so she hadn't yet noticed the clothes pins were there. As she walked passed him, Kakashi stealthily clipped on number twenty-four.

"Kakashi, I've heard you've been investigating the Prankster in your free time." She told him, walking by again. Kakashi had never been gladder for his mask; had the Hokage been able to see his face, she would have known in an instant that something was amiss. Kakashi's smile was making his face sore, and it was all he could do not to crack up laughing.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama. As I was walking down the path of life, I leant him five dollars to pay for his grandmother's knee surgery, and I've been trying to find him and make him pay me back."

"I don't want to hear your lame excuses, Kakashi! I'm giving you a mission, to be completed at your convenience. You're to keep investigating the Prankster, and report your findings back to me." Kakashi accepted the mission papers she held out for him, nodded, and left.

Kakashi looked over the mission. It wasn't asking him to do any more than he'd already been doing, except to report to the Hokage, but then again, it wasn't a real mission, either. Every shinobi in Konoha knew that missions that were completed 'at one's convenience' were a joke. It meant that they didn't really need doing, but the village wanted to be able to say, when asked, that it was 'in progress'. Tsunade didn't care about finding the Prankster and putting a stop to him, she was telling him. She just wanted to be able to tell the elders that the matter was being handled.

The good news was, this mission paper would give Kakashi access to more information that he'd been privy to before. He left the Hokage's office, rushing off to do more investigating.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"Tsunade-sama, would you like some tea?" Shizune asked as she entered her superior's office with a tray of snacks and drinks. Tsunade nodded, and finally sat down in her chair, only to jump back up as the wooden clothes pins dug unto her back. Shizune let out the laughter she'd been holding in all morning.

"What are these?" the Hokage roared, pulling them out of her hair. Shizune brought on the basket and sign from outside the door, and showed Tsunade.

"How long have I had them on me?"

"Well over an hour, Hokage-sama!" Shizune said, between fits of laughter. Tsunade tried to look stern for a moment, but eventual surrendered to laughter as well.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Placated by the stellar performance of the students and the promise that the matter was being investigated, the complaints about the Prankster ceased. The Prankster himself grew bolder as the weeks passed. His range now extended past the Academy and the Mission Room; he had begun to prank entire clans.

The Aburame clan had woken up one day to find their dark glasses replaced with colorful, lightly-tinted glasses that looked like something a hippy would wear. For reasons unknown to the rest of the village, the enigmatic clan had all worn the new glasses around for the day, although anyone that tried to steal a glance at their eyes through them (there was a rumor in the village that they didn't have eyes, so everyone was curious) found themselves enveloped in a could of chakra-eating insects. The next day, their normal glasses were returned and not one Aburame would mention a word about the subject.

While he was on the Flower-child theme, the Prankster did the Hyuuga clan as well. On the day that the Aburame's reclaimed their normal glasses, Hyuuga Hiashi and Hyuuga Neji awoke to find their long hair braided on both sides of their heads, with the rest left flowing. Hanging in their closets were two sets of bell-bottom pants, two fringed vests, and two long-sleeved hippy shirts, with notes pinned to them kindly requesting they don this attire for the day, signed the Prankster. Young Hyuuga Hinata and Hanabi found similar clothes in their closets, although theirs were more feminine in make and were accompanied by two flower crowns, to adorn their heads. The village had been shocked to see the dignified Hyuuga clan in Flower-child garb, but knew better than to ask questions. Hiashi glared at anyone who got too close. He wasn't angry about the clothes so much as he was at himself for being so easily swayed by his daughters' begging that he dress up with them. He told everyone else that the rest of his wardrobe had gone temporarily missing, and none of his household, who knew the truth, corrected him.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi had observed all of these pranks with growing admiration for the Prankster. The man was past being just a fascination in his life; Kakashi had a full fledged obsession. That might help explain why it was that he was crouched down on a very uncomfortable branch of a tree at two forty-three in the morning when he didn't even have a real mission.

The Prankster did the majority of his work under the cover of night, he'd observed. Sure, he visited the Academy during its teaching hours, and pulled a few minor pranks throughout the day, but the major pranks happened at night. Thus Kakashi was staked out in the middle of the village, waiting for the Prankster to come.

Kakashi let his mind wander as he waited and watched. Should he have invited Iruka to this stake out? No, he didn't want to drag Iruka around all night and wear the chuunin out. Besides, the Prankster had been haunting his thoughts since the tee-shirt incident; Kakashi wanted to be alone when he confronted him.

He did feel guilty, though. He hadn't been spending as much time with his friend as he normally did. He'd just been too busy with his search. 'Tomorrow,' he promised himself. 'Tomorrow I'll take some time off and treat Iruka to dinner.'

Kakashi was drawn out of his thoughts by movement on the ground below.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka shivered as he stepped out into the night air. This pranking thing had really gotten out of hand. He made hand seals and produced some kage bunshin to help him with his next task. Each shadow clone hopped off in a different direction and began tying little colored paper streamers to any available surface. Tomorrow was supposed to be windy, and if the prediction proved to be true, the slips of paper would dance around.

'It wasn't supposed to be this big of a deal.' Iruka thought to himself, as he tied streamers as well. It was hard to see through the eye holes of his mask. 'I just wanted to cheer up the kids a little.'

The way Iruka had planned it, the hair-dying was the first and last of his pranks. He just wanted to do something to make the children smile again. But, it had made them so happy. One prank had turned into two. He decided then it would just be one day of pranking, and then it would end.

He admitted now that he must have been a little drunk on his success. He really had planned on ending it that day. But as he'd walked home that evening, he saw a group of second year students talking with one of their classmates who'd been out sick. She'd seemed so disappointed to have missed out on the fun. It didn't seem fair to Iruka for her to be felt out. That night, Iruka mass-cloned a wind chime and hung them everywhere. And thus, the pranks continued.

Now, the people expected pranks, and Iruka hated disappointing anyone. If the pranks stopped now, the students would loose their enthusiasm and the happiness that he'd spread would be forgotten. Iruka didn't want the village to go back to the way it had been since the Sound Attack. So he was stuck trudging around in the middle of the night, wracking his mind for new ways to make the shinobi of Konoha laugh.

All of the streamers he'd cloned were tied up now. He could go home, finally!

There was only one way out of the tolling pranking cycle Iruka had gotten himself caught up in. He needed to convince the citizens of Konoha to take over for him. The children had all ready started their hands at pranks. If enough people followed his example, they'd never notice if he stopped and went back to his normal chuunin life.

Iruka walked toward his apartment. The night was silent. The hairs on Iruka's arms stood up. He was being watched.

Instead of going into his apartment building, Iruka kept walking as if he hadn't yet reached his destination. Someone was following him, he was certain now. He turned a corner, used a replication jutsu, and disappeared.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The Prankster was thorough, Kakashi would give him that. The shadow clone he'd sent to tie streamers under Kakashi's tree had been formed without the Prankster's face under its mask. It took more energy to form a clone that didn't look just like you. Kakashi hadn't given any indication that he was going to be here. For the Prankster to have formed mass shadow clones and wiped them of faces must have taken an enormous toll on him. Well, good. It would have been too easy if he'd found out his identity just like that. Kakashi was even more intrigued now.

He hopped trees and then roofs silently, using his sharingan eye to check each Prankster he saw. He finally found the real one, tying his last streamer and heading back home. Kakashi followed, unnoticed.

Or, at least he _thought_ he'd been unnoticed, until the Prankster pulled a replication jutsu. Kakashi stopped worrying about stealth and chased after the Prankster's chakra trail. There was nothing he loved more than the thrill of the chase.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"Damn it!" Iruka whispered to himself as he began to run all out. It was Kakashi who was following him! He didn't have a chance.

Iruka couldn't let Kakashi know it was him who'd been pranking everyone. Kakashi had come to him for help, and Iruka had deliberately misled him. Kakashi would be angry at him. It was bad enough that the silver-haired nin had been ignoring him in favor of his pursuit of the Prankster; if Kakashi found out, he might end their friendship.

No. Iruka wouldn't let that happen. Kakashi had come to mean too much to the chuunin. He would just have to outmaneuver him, loose him somehow, and escape. Iruka headed toward one of the few places the ninja would be hesitant to follow- the Hyuuga mansion. Iruka had been there a few nights ago, and was certain he'd be able to sneak in again. Kakashi, however, would be less inclined to follow him into the Hyuuga's sacred domain, for fear of retaliation by Hyuuga Hiashi.

Iruka ran faster than he knew he could. He wasn't going to loose Kakashi, not until he figured out a way to tell then older man how much he cared about him. Kakashi didn't realize how his casual flirting affected Iruka. He didn't realize that the tee-shirt that had started Kakashi's obsession with the Prankster was meant to have been a humorous gift from a secret admirer, to ease him into the idea of a relationship. He didn't realize that Iruka was in love with him. And Iruka refused to loose his friendship until Kakashi realized all these things that his famous sharingan eye couldn't help him see.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi chased the Prankster all the way to the boundaries of the Hyuuga compound. His heart was pounding with exhilaration. Never mind that he was about to sneak into the house of one of the most deadly, mean-tempered clans in the village, in the dead of night. Never mind he had no idea where the Prankster had gone. This was the most fun he'd had in weeks!

"Ahem." Kakashi heard someone deliberately cough behind him as he was about to place his foot into Hyuuga territory. He turned around.

"You are aware that you're trespassing, aren't you, Kakashi-san?" Neji stated in a dead tone. He crossed his arms and stared Kakashi down with his eerie white eyes.

"I'm still on public Konoha ground" Kakashi replied, although one sandaled foot was hovering precariously over private Hyuuga land.

"Well, it had better stay that way. We Hyuuga have ways of finding out who's been sneaking into our house." With that, Neji disappeared into the Hyuuga Mansion, leaving the silver-haired jounin to stare after him.

"Damn." He said, and begrudgingly headed back home.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka lurked in the shadows of the Hyuuga Mansion. He reached out his senses and felt for Kakashi's chakra signature. The Copy ninja was retreating. Good. He'd only have to wait here another minute or two and then sneak out. The Hyuugas would never know he was here.

The brunet sensei leaned his back to the wall and sank down to his knees. He might as well rest for a minute before he went; creating hundreds of shadow clones and modifying them to not have faces had taken a toll on his chakra levels, and even now he was maintaining the mass cloning of the paper strips (he only had one of each cover; he'd replicated them with the clones so he'd have enough to go around the village), a slight but steady drain on his already reduced energy.

"Umm…Prankster-san?" A quiet voice stuttered. Iruka jumped up, startled. He gasped. Right in front of him, shy little Hyuuga Hinata stood dressed in a bath robe. She held her hands in front of her face. "You should c-come this way. My father might find you here."

Iruka followed Hinata into her bedroom. She gestured to a chair in the corner, where he gladly sat down. A moment later, Neji opened the window and entered the room.

"We need to talk to you." He told Iruka. Iruka would have laughed at the thought of either Hyuuga child _wanting_ to talk, had the situation not been so grave. If Hyuuga Hiashi caught him here, he wouldn't be out of his bounds to have Iruka arrested.

"We…we'd like to help you, if that would be a-alright, Prankster-san." Hinata told him. Iruka stared.

"We know what you're doing, Iruka-sensei, and we can see you aren't going to be able to keep it up. Kakashi followed you here tonight. You don't have the chakra or the expertise to implement your plans and avoid jounin pursuit." Neji explained.

Iruka felt indignation rise. "I've been handling it perfectly fine up until know, Neji-kun, and I think I know a little nit more about my capabilities than you do!" He huffed. There was a moment of silence. "Wait…how do you know who I am?" Iruka grabbed at his mask. It was still covering his face. Had he let something slip? Did Kakashi know?

The Hyuuga cousins didn't respond, other than to blink their blank white eyes. Oh. The eyes, right. Kakashi's sharingan might not have been able to spot Iruka's identity, but the Byakugan could see through the mask as if it weren't there.

"I've spoken to Hanabi-chan, Iruka-sensei. She hasn't been able to use her Byakugan reliably yet, but she's agreed that she won't tell anyone who you are if she manages to use them." Iruka wondered if he could really trust that the second biggest loudmouth in her year (second only to Konohamaru; she was a complete opposite of her older sister) to keep anything even resembling a secret, but Hinata seemed confident, so Iruka let it slide.

"All right. Thank you. If you really want to help, I do have a few ideas you could play a part in…" Iruka gathered the two Hyuuga close to him and began scheming. This was perfect! With any luck, they would be able to recruit more villagers to participate in the pranking. Iruka would be off the hook in no time.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The next morning, Iruka looked like hell. The paper streamers, which had been a big success with the citizens of Konoha, were still draining his chakra. He'd slept restlessly, and woken up feeling just as tired as when he'd laid down.

He'd planned originally on releasing the replication jutsu on the paper streamers around noon, after everyone had gotten a chance to see and enjoy them. One child, however, had gotten the idea to right wishes on the little colored strips. The idea had caught on and now everyone was running around looking for a blank one to write their hopes down on. Iruka couldn't just dispel the jutsu and disappoint all the hopeful little children. So the paper remained, and Iruka's chakra drained.

Kakashi also looked like he hadn't slept (although his slouch and his fly-away hair often gave that impression to those who didn't know him well), although Iruka still thought he looked as sexy as always. He met Iruka in the Mission Room and handed in a crumpled report.

"You look awful." Kakashi told him, ever-so-helpfully. Iruka glared.

"Thank you Kakashi. You're looking wonderful as ever." He growled. Kakashi winced.

"Not much of a morning person today, are we? Couldn't sleep last night?"

"Not a wink. You?"

"No. I was chasing the Prankster, and I was too excited to sleep afterwards."

Iruka signed off on the mission report and filed it. He and Kakashi didn't sleep for a minute, but Iruka felt his bad mood lifting just from the other man's presence.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka seemed to wake up a little more after he finished with Kakashi's mission report. Kakashi was glad; he'd seen Iruka angry, and it was one of the things that could still scare him, a jounin. Now that the danger of getting his head bitten off had passed, Kakashi figured a little bit of flirting would be safe.

"So, Iruka-sensei, did it hurt?" He asked. Iruka's eyebrows furrowed.

"Did what hurt?"

"When you fell down from heaven." Kakashi grinned beneath his mask. Yay, cheesy pick-up line saves the day! Iruka smiled.

"Would you like to have dinner with me this evening, Kakashi?" Iruka asked. Kakashi frowned, remembering the promise he'd made to himself the night before.

"I'm sorry, Iruka-kun. I heard a rumor that the Prankster's going to do something big this evening, and I want to be there to investigate. Is that okay?"

"Oh, of course. Maybe some other time." Iruka said, smiling at Kakashi. The copy nin didn't need his sharingan to tell that the other man was disappointed, though. That fake smile didn't reach his eyes. 'I have to find the Prankster quickly' he told himself, 'so I can get him out of my head and spend time with Iruka.'

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

That's all for now. Next chapter will have a prank for the perverts of Konoha, Gai sensei out of spandex, and, if things go according to the tentative timeline I have in my head, some Kaka/Iru smut interaction! Yee-haw!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I'm glad everybody liked the clothes-pins-on-Tsunade's-back prank (that came from something I saw on TV one time on a documentary on the HP movies; apparently the child staff, led by the girl who plays Hermione of all people, played a bunch of pranks on people and one of the things they did was stick clothes pins on people when they walked by. It sounded fun.). I hope I can think of more funny things for Iruka-sensei to do (SHAMELESS PLEA FOR SUGGESTIONS HERE!)

Prankster

Chapter 3: Hot on the Trail

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Iruka was ready to drop all of his pranking plans for that evening, just to spite Kakashi. Why did that masked bastard have to prefer chasing unknown troublemakers to spending time with him? But he couldn't bail out-the village needed him to cheer everyone up, and Neji and Hinata had doubtlessly done the parts that he'd assigned them already.

Iruka had more planned than his Hyuuga helpers knew about, of course. It wouldn't do for them to be left out of the fun. Iruka let some of his anger at Kakashi's obsession with the Prankster dissipate as he grinned mischievously. He'd hit Gai-san tonight and take the Blue Beast's team by storm.

But first, he had some perverts to deal with…

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Ebisu was walking past the public bathing house, not trying to spy on the women inside at the least, because he was chaste and honorable, thank you very much. To his surprise (yes, that gasp was surprise, not excitement!) he found a telescope set up on one of the hills overlooking the baths. It was aimed right in the direction of the baths!

Ebisu wasn't going to look through it, of course. He was chaste and honorable. And it probably didn't look at the baths, anyways. It probably just belonged to some bird watcher, who'd seen a rare avian specimen in that tree right beside the women's bath, and hadn't even realized what was just out of view. In fact, Ebisu was sure that the telescope was pointing at the tree, not the bath.

Well, as a chaste and honorable shinobi of Konoha, and indeed as an elite special jounin, it was his solemn duty to look through that telescope and make sure it was indeed looking at that tree. He had to protect the innocence of the beautiful, shapely girls bathing beneath, by making sure they weren't being spied upon by the less chaste and honorable of the shinobi of Konoha.

He removed his sunglasses and lowered his eye to the telescope's lens. He looked through and most certainly did not see a bird watcher's tree. He saw a cloud of steam. And if he stared hard enough (which he didn't, being a chaste and honorable ninja), he could just make out the silhouettes of young female bodies. He pulled his head back and blushed. He looked a second time, just to confirm his information like a good shinobi always should. Yes, that was definitely the female public bath.

Ebisu would have taken steps to dismantle the telescope and preserve the innocence of the bathing women, had he not heard the call of his young charge, the honorable grandson, Konohamaru. He left the telescope to find the child, but promised himself that he would be returning as soon as he was finished… to remove that telescope, of course.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"Yo, Ebisu-sensei? What happened to your eye?" Konohamaru asked when his mentor came into sight.

Ebisu blinked in confusion. Did the honorable grandson mean his sunglasses? He rarely took them off, but hadn't yet put them back on after peering through that lens.

"What do you mean, Konohamaru-kun?" He asked.

"Did you loose a fight or something?" Konohamaru asked with a cheeky grin. Konohamaru's little friend Moegi pulled out a mirror from her weapons pouch and handed it to him. He looked at his face. Encircling his eye, the one he'd used to look through the telescope, was a round black mark.

Ebisu ran back to the hill by the baths, leaving his young charges without a thought. He had to get to that telescope and get rid of it before anyone else found it. If other people realized where that circle around his eye had come from, he'd be marked (wrongly!) as a pervert!

By the time Ebisu reached the telescope, there was a line of pervert waiting to look through. Maybe they hadn't yet realized that the lens left a mark, or else decided the show they-d see through that lens would be worth it. Ebisu replaced his sunglasses and dashed home to scrub at the mark of the pervert, although he had a sinking feeling that it wouldn't be washing off for a while.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi had always known that Konoha was filled with perverts. He was even a proud part of the ranks. What he hadn't realized, though, was the sheer number of pervy ninjas. Every other person he saw carried the now-infamous mark. Some, like Raido, wore it like a badge, with no shame whatsoever. Some took the Ebisu route and tried to cover it up. Genma paraded around the village with both eyes shaded in, looking like a very satisfied raccoon.

Kakashi's visible eye also bore the signs of having spied on the baths. As the official investigator of the Prankster, he felt it was his duty to observe every prank as fully as he could (with that thought, he'd made the sacrifice of looking through the scope; his devotion to his village knew no bounds!).

Kakashi had noticed some of the more subtle aspects of the prank that the average ninja had missed. One look at the steamy bath scene had revealed that the Prankster had protected the modesty of the bathing women. Even if the steam had cleared away, the perverts would never have seen more than blurry shadows and vague shapes, because the thoughtful Prankster had stretched a thin curtain between the bath and the telescope.

There was also a second, lesser known telescope set up, that left a slightly different tinted mark on the eye. This one was overlooking the men's bath (the male occupants were similarly protected with a curtain). Only the ninja that had looked through the male bath seemed to notice the difference in color; the ones who only knew about the first overlooked the slight variance. The second group seemed quite grateful to the Prankster, when Kakashi interviewed them; they could now locate other ninja who shared their preferences without broadcasting them to the entire village. Kakashi added 'thoughtful and sensitive' to his list of Prankster qualities.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

When Iruka had wished that the other citizens of Konoha would take over the job of pranking, he _hadn't meant Konohamaru!_ And while he did admit that the classics were sometimes the best, he thought putting five "Kick Me" signs on his sensei's back was just a little bit excessive. Especially since they were in a ninja village and the people's kicks there could be very painful. Iruka decided it was time for some retribution.

His pupils didn't notice when he pulled a replication technique and left a clone in his place ('really, at their age, they should be picking up these things', he thought to himself). He snuck into the hall and slipped into his Prankster mask. His chuunin vest and weapon pouch were shed. He henged into a student and snuck back into the room while his clone lectured. Sure enough, Konohamaru was bragging to the class how he was going to become the next Prankster. Iruka felt vaguely flattered and worried at the same time that the child who hoped to aspire to Hokage wanted to emulate a prankster instead.

Iruka waited. Konohamaru eventually steered the conversation to the jutsu he'd copied from Naruto, as Iruka knew he would.

"I bet you I could make Iruka-sensei faint if I wanted to!" He boasted. The other children watched him in disbelief.

"Nuh-uh! You could not!"

"Could too!"

"Could not!"

"I could too!"

"Then prove it!" They goaded. Then they said the magic words. "Unless you're chicken!"

Konohamaru formed the hand seals and summoned his chakra. He transformed into a shapely young woman in a bikini (the boy at least knew better than to transform naked in Iruka's classroom, after his sensei had beaten the lesson into his head the last time he'd tried). Iruka pulled out a chakra-sealing tag and secretly placed it on Konohamaru's back.

Clone-Iruka turned around from the blackboard and yelled at Konohamaru. "I've told you, Konohamaru-kun, no jutsus during class time. Transform back before I'm forced to give you a detention."

Konohamaru frowned at his defeat and tried to dispel the jutsu. He tried again a second later. He was stuck. The other students laughed as Konohamaru desperately tried to resume his normal shape as he shivered in the cold.

Clone-Iruka frowned sternly at his troublesome student. "Konohamaru!" He growled in warning. Finally, after moments on antagonizing struggle, Konohamaru changed back as Hyuuga Hanabi pulled the tag off of his back.

Iruka let his own henge dispel as well. The classroom startled and gasped as one of the students in their midst suddenly transformed into the Prankster himself. Hanabi slipped out of her seat. Her bloodline limit, the Byakugan, flared up in as a protective instinct, just for the instant that she fell. It was enough, though. She had been looking straight at Iruka, and her white eyes had penetrated his mask. She stared in awe.

Iruka pretended to transport away, when he really just dispelled the clone and took its place at the front of his classroom.

"Enough! Everyone, I want your full attention on this lesson or you'll be completing all of this for homework, and I doubt the Prankster would be very pleased with that!" With the use of that magical name, Iruka had the complete attention of his students. Hanabi watched him, enraptured, and sighed every once in a while.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi entered the Academy through the window during the time he knew the little ninjalets would be having recess. He crept silently to Iruka's desk, and waited at eye level to Iruka until the sensei looked up from the papers he was grading. Iruka jumped up and blushed. Kakashi heard a faint popping sound in the distance.

"Kakashi, I've told you not to do that! When did you get here?" The brunet asked, flustered.

"Just now. I heard there was another prank here, and I was wondering if I could interrogate the ninja spawn." He gestured to the children playing happily outside.

"Go right ahead." Iruka told him, rubbing his temples. Iruka was still looking tired and miserable. As soon as Kakashi found out who the Prankster was, he'd make sure to cheer Iruka up.

Kakashi walked up to the small children at play, as if it were the most natural thing in the world for a grown, armed man to be wandering around a playground. The children crowded around him.

"What can you tell me about the Prankster?" He asked mysteriously. All the children raised their grubby little hands. A few bobbed up and down, like they needed to use the bathroom.

"He pranked me this afternoon!" Konohamaru shouted.

"He's the coolest ever!" someone interjected at the same time.

"He ate our homework!" Another student added.

"Who said the Prankster is a boy? I think she's a girl!" Moegi proclaimed. The mini-kunoichi nodded their agreement.

"He's so handsome." Hanabi whispered dreamily. Kakashi tuned out all of the other children who were talking simultaneously. This little tidbit sounded interesting. The Hyuuga knew what the Prankster looked like? Had she _seen_ him? He leaned his masked face closer in towards her.

"Tell me about him." He urged.

"He's tall, and strong, and dreamy." Hanabi sighed. She was obviously taken with the Prankster, but that wasn't going to help Kakashi's investigation.

"And…?" Kakashi prompted.

Hanabi seemed to realize who she was talking to, and immediately her mouth clamped shut and set itself firmly in a determined line.

"I'm not telling _you_." She said. Kakashi stuck his tongue out at her from behind his mask.

"Hey, the wishing streamers are gone!" A student whined suddenly. Kakashi looked up. It was true. He hadn't even noticed that there were no longer any brightly colored paper strips fluttering in the wind. He tried to think back to when he'd last heard them. They couldn't have disappeared during his interrogation; he would have heard them pop. It must have happened between his journey over to the academy and his entry into the playground. Damn it! While he'd been talking to Iruka, the Prankster had slipped though his grip once again!

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka wanted to just curl up in a corner and sleep. He felt miserable. His chakra was drained, he'd been up half the night pranking, and he was tired. Kakashi had come and startled him out of the jutsu that had kept the streamers replicated, which was going to give the jounin a valuable clue to his identity. Even worse than that though was the fact that Kakashi had left without having spouted a cheesy pick-up line. In their months of friendship, Kakashi had never not used at least one on him! Kakashi was being stolen away from him, and the most ironic thing was, Iruka was his own rival. Damn it! And Kakashi's eye (which he knew would bear the sign of his prank) had been marked by the color from the women's bath. Did he only like women, or had the lighter male-bath color only been covered up by the darker female-bath one?

"Iruka-sensei, you look like Hell." Shikamaru leaned into his classroom and told him. "I'm supposed to take over for you for the rest of class, Hokage's orders. You're supposed to go home and sleep until you feel better." The Hokage had noticed how bad he felt? Iruka must be worse off than he thought. He packed up his papers and left before he could feel guilty about leaving Shikamaru to deal with his riled-up students. He'd need the extra sleep if he wanted his prank to go smoothly tonight. There was only an hour left before the students got out of their classes, anyways.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka, dressed from head to toe in black, save for his bright, feathered mask, crept into Maito Gai's apartment in the dead of night. Neji had completed his assignment; Gai slept peacefully, thanks to the potion that had been slipped into his drink. Iruka had gotten lucky with his encounters with high level ninja so far; he wasn't about to risk getting caught by a jounin now that his luck was looking very bad indeed.

Although he knew the drug would last for another couple of hours, Iruka worked quickly and quietly. Slinking around the cramped apartment, Iruka scooped up every article of green spandex he could find and stuffed it into a bag.

No drawer was left unpilfered. Every possible storage space was checked for clothing. Even the dirty clothes hamper was emptied (Iruka had to hold his nose for that little job, and he was used to stink-he cleaned Naruto's apartment every month! Must be the sweat from all that rigorous training.)

Once every bit of spandex resided in Iruka's bag, Iruka opened the satchel he had on his back. He carefully removed a pair of jeans, a solid green tee-shirt (he wasn't totally heartless, to deprive Gai totally from green), a pair of boxers (he hadn't been sure what Gai normally wore under his spandex, and it had hurt his mind to think about it), a pair of tennis shoes, and a pair of socks. He laid each article of clothing out carefully on the chair beside Gai's bed. For the finishing touch, Iruka plucked one of the feathers from his stylized mask and tucked it into the fold of the shirt as a signature. He tossed the full laundry bag over his shoulder and left the apartment.

He left Gai's entire spandex with his bleary-eyed next-door neighbor. The neighbor, once he woke himself up enough to see who it was at his door, agreed to help out the Prankster by guarding the bag for the day and returning it to Gai the next night.

As Iruka exited the apartment building, Iruka thought he saw a flash of silver. He ducked into an alley to hide himself. He heard whispers in the shadows.

Iruka could just barely make out two figures further down the alley. He couldn't hear what was being said, but it wasn't his business anyways. His trained eyes caught the motion of one shadowy figure passing a scroll to the second. The figures turned to leave. Iruka ducked back further into the shadows, instincts telling him not to be seen. As they passed, Iruka caught their faces in the light. One looked familiar, although Iruka wasn't sure where he'd seen him before.

Once the coast was clear, Iruka put the mysterious men out of his head and focused on the road to his home. He was too busy to be worrying about enigmas in alleys.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi wandered the silent village in the indecent hours of the night once again, intent on finding the Prankster who was inhabiting his thoughts. Once again, he spotted his prey walking along the empty streets.

Kakashi didn't bother with stealth this time. He used a move taught to him by his old sensei and appeared behind the Prankster in a flash.

'Kami-sama bless you, Yandaime.' Kakashi thought, as he wrapped his arms around the Prankster's chest firmly to hold him in place. The other man struggled with all his might, but couldn't break the hold. Kakashi giggled in his ear, giddy at having caught his prey.

One gloved hand slid up the Prankster's chest, making a path toward the gaudy mask that concealed his face. Kakashi didn't even notice what his other hand was doing unconsciously until the man in his arms gasped. Kakashi froze. The jounin's vagrant hand had ended up on the Prankster's groin, and was massaging slowly.

Now that the jounin's arms weren't pinning the Prankster's to his sides, the trickster started to form the seals for a transportation jutsu. Kakashi only had a split second to stop him, and made a decision before he realized there was one to make. The hand that had been traveling to the Prankster's mask wrapped around one of the Prankster's hands. Their fingers were entwined.

Kakashi's other hand continued squeezing and rubbing until the jounin felt the other man's cock stir. The Prankster gasped and groaned with every motion Kakashi made. The copy nin buried his masked face in the shorter man's neck and began nibbling through the thin layer on cloth that separated their heated flesh.

The Prankster was moving against him again, but this time he wasn't struggling. Kakashi grinned a devilish grin, pressed the Prankster's captured hand flat against his stomach and slid it down. Kakashi replaced the hand that had been stimulating his prey with The Prankster's own. His other hand was still pressed against the Prankster's, and he gave it a quick squeeze so that the man was pleasuring himself. Kakashi's free hand snuck under the other man's shirt and toyed with a nipple. The Prankster grabbed Kakashi's head with the hand that wasn't…occupied, and pulled him far enough forward to catch his clothed lips in a kiss.

Neither Kakashi nor the Prankster cared that they were committing indecent acts in the middle of a public street only a few hours before sunset. As long as the Prankster kept moaning so deliciously, Kakashi wasn't going to have any complaints about anything.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka's brain was being overloaded with Kakashi. He was sure that if the other man hadn't been holding him up, he would have just melted into the street from the jounin's touch. He'd been waiting so long for Kakashi to touch him like this! He could finally kiss him, and he didn't have to be afraid that it would ruin their friendship. Iruka could act as wantonly as he wanted, and Kakashi would have no idea it was him. With that in mind, Iruka slowly turned and backed Kakashi up toward the nearest wall.

A sudden crash tore them apart from each other. They both looked around frantically, and saw a light flicker on in one of the buildings nearby. Kakashi and Iruka fled in opposite directions, running to avoid detection.

Iruka arrived home, flustered and still very hard. He wasn't sure what that crash had been (in a village of shinobi, there were always strange noises that people accepted without question), but if he ever found out who was responsible, he would prank them. And their children. And their grandchildren. They would pay.

Somebody else was also going to pay for leaving him with a raging hard-on, someone with silver hair and one eye. Should Iruka give him pink hair, or green skin? Itching powder?

But first, Iruka had a problem to take care of. He stepped into his shower and finished what Kakashi had started.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Yes, it's pretty short, but it did have some M-rated action. Are you guys satisfied? I'll write more soon. And next chapter will have more KakaIru action, as well as the results of the Gai prank (I had planned to put the rest of that prank in this chapter, but it was already 10 pages and I'm tired. I had the AP LIT test today, in my defense, and my brain is all melty-like.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I thank everyone for their feedback on my story. A special thanks goes out to those of ya'll that gave me prank suggestions (I still have room for more, too), and a special special thanks to Loqui and DCourtes, who might recognize some of the things that happen in this chapter!

And by the by, I love you, ElrohiryElladan . The evening hawk poem was a bitch, and your comment made me laugh so much to know that everyone else hated it too!

Oh, and a warning. If you squint, you might find traces of Neji/Hinata in this chapter. If you don't like that, then ignore it, it's not really there. If you like the pairing, feast your heart out, because it is there. And if you're really confused by what I just said, join the club (it exists, and you can even get a tee-shirt if you pay the dues!).

Prankster

Chapter 4: Neji's Traumatic Day

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Maito Gai woke up with his usual Youthful Exuberance (it was still, after all, the Springtime of his Life) at the crack of dawn, and bounced out of bed, ready for a day of Rigorous Training, Fierce Rivalry, and Gentle Nurturing of his Beloved Students.

He stripped out of the jungle green boxers he slept in and hopped into the shower. 'Strange,' he thought to himself, as he noticed his hair products were missing. He thought he'd bought more last time he'd been shopping… Oh well, he'd just have to put extra gel in it when he got out of the shower (you didn't think that Manly Beauty like that came without effort, did you?).

Gai finished his quick morning shower and wrapped his (bright green) towel around his muscular waist. He reached blindly for his bottle of styling gel as he dried his hair with a second towel. His hand closed on air. He groped around his table, searching for his beloved gel.

Konoha's Beautiful Blue Beast searched wildly around his apartment, seeking his gel. He knew he had gel! He just opened a new bottle yesterday, so he should have at least half a bottle left! Gai rummaged through his drawers, but his emergence bottle had disappeared as well. He dove under his bed and discovered that his third, Super Secret Spare bottle had vanished.

"What has happened?" He cried, holding his hands up with dramatic anguish. He was a shinobi of Konoha, though. He was trained to cope with any trauma. He'd just have to water down his hair until he could get to the store and stock up on gel again.

Gai threw open the door to his closet and reached in to grab one of his spandex body suits. To his horror, they had suffered the same fate as his hair products. Some fiendish devil had broken into his apartment, scrounged around, and left not a synthetic thread of spandex behind.

Gai could barely see through the Manly Tears welling up in his eyes. This was too horrible for words! He tried to sit down in his chair before his knees gave out, but found the seat otherwise occupied. There, in all of their wretched glory, was…

…

…CIVILIAN CLOTHES!

Gai's anguished cry could be heard throughout the village.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Across the village, Hyuuga Neji awoke from his peaceful slumber to the broken-hearted cry.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Forty-five minutes later, as Neji was about to eat the delicious breakfast that Hinata had prepared, a green spandex blob tackled him. The somber genius looked up to find his teammate on top of him, rambling.

"My eternal rival! I need your help! Something awful has happened!" Lee gasped, visibly shaken by whatever it was that he'd seen.

Neji gazed longingly at his breakfast (chocolate-chip pancakes, light and fluffy, cooked to perfection) and sighed.

"Come on." He said, pushing Lee off of him and standing up. "We can talk in my room."

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"I need civilian clothes!" Lee shouted at Neji, the moment the long-haired boy had his door firmly shut. Neji froze. His hyperactive teammate didn't want to wear his spandex? Wasn't that one of the signs of Apocalypse? Neji checked Lee over with his Byakugan. Well, he wasn't an imposter, at least.

"Why?" Neji asked.

"This morning, as I was out for my before-dawn training," Lee explained, "I saw our beloved Gai-sensei. But he wasn't wearing his usual Beautiful clothing. In his Infinite Knowledge and Foresight of Aesthetic Beauty, he must have moved on to more fashionable attire. I've been left behind in the outcast trend. What if Gai-sensei doesn't want to associate with me any more, since I am so ignorant and behind the times? That is why I need hip and modern civilian clothes, Neji-san!"

Neji blinked. Gai out of spandex? It just wasn't natural! How many times could his world be turned upside down in one morning? All the universal constants were changing. The next thing he knew, Ten-ten would probably be swearing off weapons!

"So, you're coming to me for normal clothes?" Neji asked. His own wardrobe wasn't exactly…normal. He doubted Lee would look good running around dressed like him, in khaki shorts and a loose shirt. Not that he would give Lee those kinds of clothes, knowing how prone the kid was to imitation.

Lee nodded. "You're the only one I could come to with this embarrassing dilemma, Neji-san. Please help me, my friend and rival!" Neji supposed he should be flattered that Lee would come to him for help. Maybe if this whole situation wasn't so messed up…

"I can see if I have anything that will fit you. I might not, though." He told his teammate, who nodded eagerly.

Neji dug through his drawers, and at last produced a pair of jeans he'd never worn from the forgotten corner of a bottom drawer.

"Here. Try these on." He said, tossing them to Lee. Lee wiggled out of his spandex and slipped into jeans.

"These are just like what Gai-sensei was wearing! They're a little loose though."

"They're supposed to be baggy. That's the style." Neji explained.

"Oh." Lee exclaimed, and nodded. Neji found a belt for him, and began the search for some sort of shirt.

In the very back of his closet, he found an old tee-shirt, black with the name of some band written on it. It'd been a gift that he'd never worn either. He had a reputation to maintain, after all.

Neji tossed the shirt to Lee.

"Is it supposed to be this tight, Neji?" He asked, pulling the shirt on. Neji looked. It seemed fine. Yes, it was formfitting, but the shirt looked good enough on him.

"It's fine. I wouldn't think tight clothing would bother you, considering all you ever wear is spandex." Lee's eyes welled up with tears at the mention of his beloved spandex. Neji would have to avoid that word until this strange turn of events ended.

Lee pulled his standard issue sandals back on and observed himself in Neji's mirror. He began to ruffle his hair until it was no longer shaped like an upside-down bowl.

"Gai-sensei's hair looks like this." He explained to his wide-eyed rival. "I feel weird." He said self-consciously.

"You look fine. Gai-sensei will love it." Neji told him absently. His breakfast must be getting cold!

"Do you really think so?" Lee asked, round eyes shining. Neji spent the next few minutes painstakingly reassuring Lee that yes, he looked fine, no, no one was going to make fun of him. All the while, Neji was thinking of his rapidly cooling pancakes.

By the time Lee left and Neji made it back into the kitchen, his lovely chocolate-chip pancakes were completely cold.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Umino Iruka was one of the few people in the village that could boast sleeping through Maito Gai's mournful racket that morning; the poor sensei had been so worn-out by that night's pranking, he'd slept right through the shouts and the sobbing. After Iruka's shower, he'd remembered that he wanted to remove Gai's hair-products, so he'd snuck back into the Blue Beast's apartment and taken them. Then he'd circled back around to Kakashi's place, drugged the watchdogs with dog-biscuits laced with a sleeping drought, and snuck into there. Iruka was tired, but it would be worth it to see Kakashi's reaction when he found out the Prankster he'd been chasing after so persistently had been standing over him in his sleep.

He was a little bothered by Kakashi's reaction to the Prankster, now that he was far away enough from the man to actually think straight. Did the copy ninja go around groping every strange masked person he met, or was it only the Prankster? Iruka didn't really like the idea of Kakashi getting cozy with him if he didn't KNOW it was him (even if Iruka did like being able to grope Kakashi back). Damn, that hardly even made sense though. He liked Kakashi, he was getting to have Kakashi- he should be happy, right?

The more Iruka thought about it, the more distraught he became. He needed help. He couldn't exactly discuss his problems with his friends, though. They didn't know he was the Prankster, and none of his complaints would make sense unless he told them. The only people that knew were the Hyuuga. Well, Iruka needed advice, and beggars can't be choosers. He dressed and headed over to the Hyuuga Complex.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

An hour after Neji had eaten his cold pancakes, he was doing some warm-up exercises to prepare for the training he was going to be doing with the rest of team Gai that day. He had just finished stretching out his muscles and was about to begin molding chakra when Iruka jumped over the wall and landed in the Hyuuga courtyard. From the bodily signs that Neji read, he could tell the young sensei was slowly working himself into a panic about something.

"Neji-kun, I need to talk to someone. I don't know what to do." Neji beckoned him to sit, wondering when today had become 'Ask Neji' day. At least Iruka hadn't tackled him. He continued with his chakra exercises as Iruka rambled.

"You see, there's this person that I like, and they like me, except they don't know it's me. This person likes the Prankster, and I'm not really sure how he feels about me. And it doesn't help that whenever I'm around him, I can't think and I end up doing stupid things. Like last night. Last night shouldn't have happened, and now I don't know whether he just likes me or if he molests every man he meets on the streets at night. I mean, I don't think he's like that, but Kakashi's not the epitome of morals or anything. So I don't know if I should just avoid him, or make his life miserable as the Prankster so that he'll stop liking him and start liking me. I just wanted to make everybody happy! I didn't mean for all of this to happen!" Iruka lamented.

Neji had started off listening halfheartedly. When Iruka's mystery 'person' had become a 'him', however, Neji's pupil-less eyes had widened. When Iruka had spoken of being accosted on the street, he began clawing at his ears. And when Iruka had named that fatal name, Neji grabbed his head and tried to block out all the images in his head. Why had Iruka felt the need to tell him these awful, awful things? Neji doubted the sensei even realized that he'd let Kakashi's name drop, so distressed was he.

Iruka looked at Neji, seeking some sort of advice. Neji panicked. How was he supposed to know what to do? He was a teenage genius ninja- he had no concept of romance (that fell under people skills, which he didn't have), and he definitely didn't have a clue about gay romance!

"H-hello, Iruka-sensei." A quiet voice whispered from the door to the courtyard. It was Hinata, blessed Hinata, to the rescue. She sat down a tray of snacks and took a seat next to Iruka. "Neji-nii-sama has to train now, but maybe I can help. I…I heard what you said." Hinata shooed Neji away, and he was more than happy to exit the courtyard and leave his former sensei's romantic mishaps to someone else.

When Neji was safely behind the walls of the mansion and out of Iruka's sight, he mouthed a "Thank you" to his cousin. Although there were two solid walls, a few trees, and probably an antique or two between them, he knew she'd see. She had good eyes.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi woke up that morning much like he did every day. He showered, dressed, tucked his Icha Icha safely into his vest pocket, scarfed down breakfast, and left. He didn't look into any mirrors because he didn't take any particular interest in his face, and he didn't care how his hair looked.

He first began to suspect something was wrong when he was met with strange looks from all the villagers he passed. He was used to disapproving glares from mothers, since he walked around reading porn, and he was used to curious stares, what with his mask. He was not, however, used to people pointing at him and laughing, or walking up and snapping pictures of his face.

He was almost one hundred percent sure something was amiss when Genma took one look at him, whistled, and exclaimed, "Holy shit!"

Kurenai looking at him and laughing so much she snorted confirmed it.

Kakashi did a quick mental check. His mask was firmly in place, as was his hitai-ate. He had on pants and shirt. There weren't any genjutsu around him.

He finally begged a mirror from Kurenai and looked at himself. The Kakashi he saw in the mirror didn't look much like the one he was used to seeing, though. His fly-away hair was now a rainbow of colors. Every visible inch of skin on his face had been drawn on with a permanent marker. His Konoha hitai-ate had been replaced with one that bore a smiley-face in the center. All in all, he looked like a nin-clown.

"Hn." Was all the response he gave. Kakashi had never been one to care much about his appearance. He pulled out his list of Prankster suspects and looked around at his jounin friends. "You guys want to help me with this?" He asked. The jounins stared at him a few moments more, chuckling, before gathering around to add their input to the list.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

After spending three years as a part of Team Gai, Neji would have sworn that he had developed a tolerance for the 'Manly Sobs' his sensei and his teammate were capable of turning out (always accompanied, strangely enough, by a sunset, no matter what the time of day). Being the genius of the Hyuuga Clan, he wasn't wrong very often. This, however, was one of those rare instances.

He had heard Gai-sensei's sobs even before he'd arrived at the training area. He entered the clearing in the woods where they always met, and his foot landed in a puddle formed by Gai's tears. Ten-ten sat nearby, happily snapping pictures with a little disposable camera with a tag that said: 'Thought you could use this.- The Prankster'. Neji could understand why she took pictures. He'd never once seen his eccentric teacher out of spandex, but now he wore jeans, a tee-shirt, and tennis shoes. It was blackmail opportunity at its finest.

The tear flow had slowed after a while, as Gai rambled on about taking strength from the appearance of his Bright and Youthful Students. That is, it slowed until Lee decided to make an appearance. As soon as the poor boy set foot into Gai's line of vision, a dam inside of Gai broke and the crying became stringer than before.

"Lee! What has happened to you, my Beautiful Student? Did the Prankster rob you of your Special Training Suit as well? That Vile Villainous Prankster must have been jealous of out Beauty!"

Lee stared for a moment, eyes watering. "You…you mean this isn't a hip and modern new fashion? I…I'm ugly now?" Lee jumped into Gai's arms and sobbed. The sky filled with dark clouds, and thunder clapped along with their cries, dramatic enough to make any special effects artist weep with jealousy. Ten-ten kept taking photos. Neji rubbed his temples. How much more traumatic could this day get? Damn it, he knew this was going to be an awful day, ever since his unwanted wake-up call. Gai-sensei and Lee hadn't had a crying fest like this in well over a year.

'At least I have training with Raido-san to look forward to.' Neji consoled himself. Raido was one of the saner of the jounin, and he could always learn new things from the scarred ninja. Just because he'd started out the day with cold pancakes didn't mean his whole day was shot. He didn't believe in fate like that anymore.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"The problem is," Kakashi explained to Asuma, Kurenai, Genma, and Raido, "I've already eliminated everybody on this list I made. They've either been away on missions while a prank has happened or they don't fit the profile right."

The others looked over his list, and then at the list of Prankster characteristics.

"Maybe you assumed something about the Prankster that isn't true then." Asuma said.

"Yeah. You only have men on here, for one thing. Are you sure it's not a woman?" Kurenai asked.

Kakashi looked down at his hands, remembering the night before. The Prankster was definitely male.

"I'm sure." He told the group, in a voice that clearly warned 'Don't ask.'

"Well, are you sure he'd jounin?" Genma asked. Kakashi was about to answer yes, he had to be a jounin, when he had a thought. Most of the pranks pulled were simple things, using no chakra or only the most basic of jutsus to accompany them. Even when the Prankster had been trying to escape from Kakashi, he hadn't used any jounin level moves to get away. The Prankster had done nothing to indicate he was a high level ninja, other than being as tricky as hell.

"Maybe not." Kakashi leaned over and crossed it off his list. Now that he thought about it, the Prankster was probably a chuunin, considering he'd eliminated all of the jounin possibilities. He began a new list of possibilities in his head.

"I need to go." He told the others, snatching his lists away and running to the record room to get the names of every male chuunin in the village.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka felt much better after his little chat with Hinata. He left her with a task for his next prank, and then rushed to get to his classroom on time. He hadn't had time to make any lesson plans for the day, but he always kept a few pop quizzes in his desk for such emergencies. Iruka would have to make it up to the children later. Walking by the classroom in a crazy costume, maybe? He'd have to find out a favorite cartoon character from them, and have him make a special guest appearance.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

After Kakashi mad his list of every male chuunin, he broke into the file cabinet where the mission reports were kept. He crossed off every chuunin that had been on a mission during any part of the pranks. He eliminated a few more names that he knew couldn't possibly be it (Kotetsu, for example, and what's-his-name, who guarded the Hokage; Tsunade was too much a slave driver to give them the free time to breathe, much less carry out elaborate yet amusing tricks), and was left with a list of about twenty names. He most certainly was a genius.

Kakashi went back and put a little smiley-face beside the chuunin that had any ties to the academy, and a star beside those who worked in the mission room. The ninja on the list got a plus for good handwriting (he crossed off one name, because he knew that particular nin couldn't write legibly to save his life) and a minus for having outstanding artistic skills.

"Damn. I need to investigate more." He said to himself as he reviewed his list. The name with the most marks next to it was Umino Iruka. Kakashi must not be getting enough sleep…

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Neji had finished up his afternoon training with his old genin team without even breaking a sweat. He had been thoroughly soaked, but that was from the tears of two-thirds of his team, not from any physical exertion on his part. He could have danced when it finally came time for him to train with Raido-san, had he not been a Hyuuga, and thus above dancing of any type.

His day was cursed, however. All that crap that Naruto had spouted a year ago, about there being no fate or destiny, that was bull shit.

Raido's training had started off normally. Neji was practicing throwing kunai in his blind spot, while hanging upside down and spinning. Childs play. He'd just thrown his last kunai, and was asking Raido to gather them up for a second round, when Raido's lover Genma crashed into their training area.

"Raidooooo! Holy shit! You have to see this!" He'd shouted, out of breath. Raido rolled his eyes, obviously used to this sort of behavior from the other man.

"What is it?" He asked, sounding like he was humoring a small child more than speaking to his boyfriend.

"I have acid spit!" Genma explained. (AN: shameless, shameless plug for my other story, Training with Jounin, from which I recycled this prank) Raido shook his head with disbelief.

"Genma, think about what we did this morning." He said. Genma's eyes glazed over for a moment, remembering.

"Why, you ready for another round?" He asked with a lecherous grin. Neji wondered if the senbon-sucking man realized there was an underage jounin hanging less than ten feet away. Well, from what he knew of Genma, he should probably revise that to did he _care_ that there was an underage jounin hanging there. Apparently not.

"Genma! Try to focus! Now, do you think that would have worked if you had 'acid spit'?" Genma thought for a moment.

"Maybe we should go try it out and see!" He said. Genma obviously had a one-track mind, Neji thought.

"Not now! Can't you see I'm busy? Drop this nonsense about 'acid spit', let me finish up here, and we'll do all the experimenting you need later. Honestly, I don't know where you get these ideas from."

"But I've got proof! Look at this senbon!" Genma protested, waving a tiny stump of a needle in Raido's face. "I was sucking on this and the next thing I know, it's halfway gone. My spit must have suddenly become acidic, so maybe that's why it didn't affect you this morning! Oooh, do you think this is some sort of bloodline limit?" He asked, practically bouncing off the walls in excitement.

Neji decided he didn't need to hear any more about Genma's 'bloodline limit' or his morning's exploits. He pulled out his shuriken and began throwing those at the targets in lieu of kunai.

"Genma, listen to me. You don't have acid spit! It's impossible. There must be something wrong with that senbon." Genma looked at his lover skeptically.

"Fine. I'll prove it to you." Raido grabbed the locks of hair that hung down from his bandanna on either side of his face, and pulled him into a deep kiss.

Neji threw the last of his shuriken, trying to block out the sounds of his mentor and said mentor's crazy lover making out. He moved on to caltrops.

"See. I kissed you and I haven't melted. Do you believe me now?" Raido asked gently. Genma nodded, and gave Raido another kiss. He finally pulled away and picked up the senbon stub.

"Must just be a shoddy craftsmanship." He declared. "I did get this one from Suna. Very poor workmanship. I'll be sticking to Konoha-made products from now on."

Genma turned to leave, but Raido, tackled him.

"You're leaving?" He asked. Genma nodded. "You can't just leave me here after a kiss like that!" Raido scolded. Genma grabbed his lover's wrist and dragged him off, still not even acknowledging Neji's presence.

Neji had run out of sharp objects to throw by that time. He hung upside down, exhausted and disgusted by the lack of concern Raido-san had for his training. He pulled himself up and looked at the knot Raido had used to tie his feet. It was a special jounin knot, one he hadn't learned to untie yet. He looked around the training room and fixed his eyes longingly on the weapons he'd just thrown. He had nothing to cut the ropes with now.

He began working at the knot, which would probably take him an hour to untie if no one came to free him, cursing all Konoha senseis.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Gai had almost recovered from his spandex deprivation as the sun began to set. He walked by the Memorial Stone and found his Hip and Modern Eternal Rival, Kakashi. The jounin was staring at his pink and orange novel in shock.

"Where is it?" He muttered to himself. "It's got to be here somewhere! He couldn't have taken it!"

"What is the matter, O Worthy Rival?" Gai asked, ready to climb the highest mountain or complete the most grueling of tasks to help his friend.

"He wouldn't have taken it. He'd better not have taken it!" Kakashi continued. "It's a special edition!" Kakashi flipped through his novel and threw it on the ground, disgusted. He pulled out a kunai, a dangerous glint in his eye.

"What hasn't he taken? You're speaking of the Prankster, I assume, and he doesn't seem to have qualms taking our most precious belongings." Gai pointed out, thinking of his own beloved spandex suit.

Kakashi scooped up his book and shoved it into Gai's face. Gai immediately averted his eyes from the impurity.

"No, just read it!" Kakashi growled. Gai scanned a page.

"'Grip the kunai firmly and flick the wrist forty-five degrees, releasing in a fluid motion during the throw.' Jiraiya isn't writing in metaphor now, is he?"

"No. It's a weapons instruction manual." Kakashi said, spitting out the last words as if they were the foulest curse he knew. He slid the pink cover off of the book and showed him the title of the book as proof. "He took my Icha Icha!" Kakashi wailed.

"He took my spandex!" Gai moaned, his own sorrows brought back up by his rival's misfortune. They both sat down by the Memorial Stone, wallowing in their misery until the color faded away in the sky and left them in a sea of darkness.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The sky was just starting to darken when Iruka hit the streets as the Prankster. He hadn't made any big plans for the night, so he'd have time to grade the pop quizzes he'd given and then to get some well earned rest. All he needed to do was return Gai-sensei's clothing and hair-products to him, and then replace Kakashi's real hitai-ate with the smiley-face one the jounin had been wearing all that day.

After his talk with Hinata, Iruka's day had gone pretty well. Hinata had whipped up some rock candy at his request, and he'd carved it down and painted it with a metallic-colored coating to mask its sweet taste and make it look just like a senbon. Genma had taken it and run off convinced that he had acidic spit, to the amusement of everyone watching.

Iruka walked down the streets slowly, waving amiably at the few people still rushing around in the last moments before the streets became totally dark. Some waved back and told him about the pranks they were pulling on their friends, while others just smiled and skittered off shyly. There were only two people that didn't respond to his friendly gesture. In the shadows of an alley, the same two men from the night before were whispering and passing scrolls between one another. The one still looked tantalizingly familiar, but Iruka couldn't remember who he was. In the spirit of mischief, Iruka walked right up to the man, whipped out his trusty red sharpie marker (he used it for grading exceptionally horrible papers; he had a sharpie specifically designated to Konohamaru's homework), and drew a target in the middle of the man's forehead. Before the stunned man could respond, Iruka walked away, chuckling.

Iruka retrieved the bag of Gai's clothing from Gai's neighbor and left that and his hair products in the Blue Beast's apartment. He repositioned everything the exact same way it had been before he'd taken it. It was easy; Gai wasn't back from his training yet, so Iruka could work as slowly, as loudly, and with as much light as he needed. Before he left, Iruka placed a brand new bottle of hair gel on Gai's kitchen table as a peace offering. He propped up a little 'Thanks for participating' card beside the bottle and left.

Kakashi wasn't back at his apartment either, so Iruka left his hitai-ate and his book on the jounin's bed. He patted the guard dogs' heads (they were cute, even if they weren't very skilled at keeping intruders out. Iruka hoped for Kakashi's safety that they only let him in because they knew him, and not because he offered them treats) and made his way out.

"I'll have to be careful on the way home, if Kakashi is out lurking.' Iruka told himself. Had the other man started his stake-out early?

Iruka thought about what Hinata had told him in regards to Kakashi. At least, having had that conversation, he wasn't terrified of encountering the man while he was wearing the Prankster mask.

_: Iruka's conversation with Hinata:_

_"I…I heard what you said." Hinata said, shooing Neji away. _

_"What should I do? Should I make him hate the Prankster?" _

_"I don't think you need to do that, Iruka-sensei." _

"_But… I just want him to like me."_

"_He already likes you, Iruka-sensei." Iruka looked up at Hinata in disbelief. _

"_No, he likes the Prankster." _

"_But who is the Prankster? You are. You're not pretending to be someone else. You're just being yourself, trying to help others." Iruka thought about it. That sort of made sense. As the Prankster, he was doing the things that he'd always wanted to do, but had been too shy to carry out._

"_So, you think Kakashi will like me when he finds out I'm the Prankster?" Iruka asked. _

"_No." Hinata giggled. Iruka gasped. _

"_But… you said…!"_

"_He already likes you, Iruka-sensei. He just might not have realized it yet."_

Iruka decided Hinata might be right. Kakashi seemed to like his school-teacher mode and his chuunin-mode, and he definitely was interested in his Prankster mode. Did it matter that Kakashi didn't know who was behind the mask, as long as he liked him for being him? (Why was it every time Iruka tried to think about romantic ties in his head, it came out jumbled and incoherent?)

"It's not very polite to take other ninja's things, you know, especially special edition novels." A voice said from the shadows in front of Iruka. One sandaled foot edged into the light, soon to be followed by the rest of Kakashi's body.

"You didn't find my book informative, Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked playfully. Any plans that he'd had for a quiet evening at home were shot.

"I'm going to unmask you. We'll see if that won't wipe that smug look off your face." Kakashi said with a feral growl.

"Yes, I can't stand men with masks." Iruka tittered. Kakashi lunged at him, but he sidestepped smoothly and eluded the other man.

Iruka had planned to show some restraint around the Prankster until he could drop Kakashi some more hints to his identity, but the jounin's proximity was causing Iruka's reasoning to dissolve into mush. He snatched the smiley-face hitai-ate from Kakashi's head and sprinted down the street. Kakashi chased after him, which should have sent alarm bells ringing in Iruka's head, but only hade Iruka more excited and reckless.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The Prankster led Kakashi on a merry chase around the Memorial Stone three times, through the empty halls of the Academy, over the roofs of half of the village, and toward the forests surrounding Konoha. Kakashi could hear the masked man laughing as he eluded Kakashi. His own anger at the loss of his book faded. He still wanted to catch the Prankster, and he still wanted to find out who was under that mask, but it certainly wasn't so he could get back at the man. When he caught the Prankster, it would be more along the lines of finishing what he'd started the night before.

"Getting tired?" The Prankster goaded from up ahead. The other man feigned right, then left, trying to throw Kakashi off the chase. Kakashi didn't fall for his trick, though. Instead of worrying about what direction the Prankster was going to chose, he did a quick kage-bunshin-no-jutsu and tackled the man with three clones. The Prankster, the slippery little devil, escaped his clones with a replacement jutsu, but left the stolen hitai-ate in the grasps of the shadow clones.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka threw the senbon he'd switched with the rock candy one earlier that day and destroyed two of the clones. The third was disposed of with a quick jab of his fist. Iruka looked up to where Kakashi was…where Kakashi was _supposed_ to be. A chill ran down his spine. Kakashi had disappeared. The giddy recklessness that had been fueling his action began to fade away. It was time to leave now.

"Not so fast." Kakashi's voice was close, right behind him in fact. Iruka turned around and found himself nose to nose with his pursuer.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi trembled with anticipation. He'd finally caught the Prankster! He clamped a hand around each of the Prankster's wrists to make sure he wouldn't escape again. This time, he'd take off the man's mask and THEN seduce him. He grinned, and released one wrist. He reached his gloved hand slowly toward the gaudy mask that his the other's identity.

The Prankster placed a finger on Kakashi's lips.

"Wait." He said.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka stopped Kakashi before the jounin could unmask him. He wasn't ready to be found out just yet. The sensei was enjoying the chase too much. It also didn't help that when Kakashi was this close to him, all rational thought took a vacation. With all the lust swimming in his brain, all he could think at the moment was, 'Wow. Kakashi smells great. I wonder how he tastes…'

Iruka bet himself that Kakashi would taste wonderful. Last night, he'd just been kissing cloth, and hadn't gotten to find out. He decided to remedy the situation.

"I still have to pay you back for last night." He whispered.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi looked at the Prankster in confusion.

"I though this was payback." He said, gesturing at his rainbow hair and his face, which still had faint markings on it despite the rigorous scrubbing he'd given it.

The Prankster twirled a finger around a bright red lock of hair that hung out of Kakashi's hitai-ate. "That was for leaving me wanting. I still need to thank you."

Kakashi's head perked up. 'Thank you'? That sounded intriguing. "And how do you plan on thanking me?" He asked.

"Hmm. Let me go, and you'll find out, now won't you?" The Prankster told him slyly.

"How do I know you won't run away?" Kakashi pointed out.

"I'll give you my word as a prankster, I won't run away until I'm finished. Besides, if I do, you'll get to chase me again, and I know you enjoy it."

Kakashi thought about it. The promise he'd made guaranteed that he'd try to escape Kakashi as soon as he finished with whatever he had planned, but Kakashi didn't think he was likely to get anything more binding out of the man. He'd just have to be on guard. He nodded, and released the Prankster.

The man dropped to his knees. Kakashi's eye widened. Did this mean what he though it meant? The Prankster unzipped Kakashi's uniform pants, all the while maintaining eye contact with Kakashi. Yes, it meant very much what Kakashi thought it did. The Prankster flashed him a seductive smile as he freed Kakashi's half-hardened cock. He studied it intently for a moment, gave it a tentative lick, and then swallowed the whole shaft with one fluid motion.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi's moans covered up the sound of Iruka gasp as his gag reflexes kicked in. He released Kakashi from his mouth and took a deep breath. Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as Iruka'd originally thought. He'd never done anything like this before, and he hadn't realized how strange it would feel.

Kakashi bucked his hips forward, trying to reestablish contact. Iruka placated him with more licks and a little bit of nibbling until he could get his breath back. When he'd recovered, the chuunin took the cock back into his mouth, slower this time. It wasn't so bad, as long as he didn't try to take the whole thing as quickly as he had the first time. And he'd been right- Kakashi did taste good.

Kakashi's knees were starting to buckle. Iruka felt a spark of pride that he could reduce the famous Sharingan-no-Kakashi to such a vulnerable state. There was a wall a few feet behind Kakashi, so Iruka pushed the gasping jounin back and edged up to him again. With Kakashi braced against the wall, Iruka continued his assault. He used one hand to toy with Kakashi's balls, the other to keep his hips steady as he continued to bob his head. He wasn't sure exactly what he was supposed to do, so he kept an ear out for what made Kakashi groan the loudest, and repeated those moves until the jounin was writhing against the wall.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Just as Kakashi was sure he couldn't take any more of the Prankster's sweet torture, the man pulled his head back and looked up at him.

"You know, if I really wanted to get back at you for last night, I would just leave you like this." The Prankster teased. His voice sounded hoarse. Kakashi wasn't coherent enough for words at that point, so he fisted his hand in the bandanna that concealed the Prankster's hair and pulled the man' head back into place.

"Fine, fine! I wasn't going to leave anyways." The Prankster told him, nuzzling up against the heated flesh of Kakashi's inner thigh. "I did make a promise." He ran his tongue over the slit of Kakashi's cock. He took it back in his mouth. 'Finally!' Kakashi's body shouted.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka sucked on Kakashi's member, wondering how exactly he was supposed to tell when Kakashi was going to come. He tried to watch for any signs, but found himself distracted by the noises Kakashi was making.

"Aahh! Ruk-aHHH!" He gasped. 'That almost sounded like my name.' Iruka thought to himself. Was what Hinata said true? Iruka wasn't paying attention when Kakashi's body tensed up. The hand on his head pulled painfully for a moment, before his bandanna slipped off his head. Startled, he found his mouth filling with semen as Kakashi came.

Iruka swallowed and coughed.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi sank to his knees, gasping for breath. The Prankster crawled over to him. He gently tucked him back into his pants, zipped him up, and gave him a tender kiss on his forehead. The man stood and ran off through the darkened streets of the village. Kakashi was still too shaken to even follow.

He might have been angry that the Prankster had once again slipped though his grasp, but his brain was too melty and his body too sated to feel anything but satisfaction. He'd just have to catch him tomorrow.

The last thing Kakashi thought before the Prankster faded from his sight was, "So, he's a brunet?" He looked down at the bandanna that he still grasped. That eliminated five more names off of the list.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Neji trudged back to the Hyuuga Mansion, tired and in a foul mood. He'd had to deal with crazy teachers, insane team-mates, perverted mentors, and a damn intricate knot. He just wanted to sleep!

Neji's stomach growled as he walked by the darkened kitchen. He was hungry, since he'd been hanging upside down when he was supposed to have been eating dinner, but he didn't want to test fate any more than he had today. Who knew what would happen if he tried to get a midnight snack before bed?

"Neji-nii-sama, I saved you some dinner." Hinata's soft voice rang out from the not-so-empty kitchen. Neji walked in and plopped down on a seat, his normal grace forgotten.

"What's the matter?" She asked quietly. Neji explained the story of his whole traumatic day. Hinata patted him on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry you have had a rough day, Neji-nii-sama. If you want, I could make you some more pancakes tomorrow. I promise I won't let them get cold." Hinata offered. Neji graced her with a rare smile.

"I'd like that, Hinata-sama." He replied. He finished off the meal Hinata had served him and rose from his seat. "Goodnight, Hinata-sama." He said, bowing slightly to his cousin. She didn't return his bow as she usually did. Instead, she leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Neji-nii-sama!" She squeaked, and ran off to her room. Neji almost smiled. Tomorrow wasn't looking as bleak as it had five minutes ago…

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Two hours had passed since Kakashi had returned to his apartment. (He'd been pleased to find his book waiting for him.) He'd shed his jounin uniform and curled up in bed, still thinking about the Prankster. He was sleeping peacefully when Iruka broke into his apartment for the second time in one night.

The sensei crept into Kakashi's bathroom and left a little bottle of shampoo, to wash out the array of dye in his silver hair. He tip-toed out again, and paused for a moment to watch Kakashi sleep.

The jounin wore his mask even when he slept, but his hitai-ate was off and Iruka thought that was a vast improvement. Kakashi's face was much too handsome to cover up all the time. Iruka ran a finger softly over Kakashi's scar. He wondered where it came from, and why Kakashi covered it up.

That ghost of a touch caused Kakashi to stir and stare up at Iruka blearily.

"Shhh. Go back to sleep." Iruka whispered. Kakashi blinked his eye, but the famous sharingan eye stayed firmly closed.

"Gotta catch you." Kakashi mumbled.

"You can catch me later." Iruka told him. "I just came to leave you some shampoo, unless you like looking like a member of the Konoha circus." Kakashi blinked again, and looked at Iruka, confused. His tired brain couldn't process that long of a sentence.

"Go to sleep, Kakashi." Iruka ordered gently. He gave him another kiss on the forehead, and Kakashi's eye sank closed. Iruka snuck out of Kakashi's room and back to his own home. The sun would be rising in a couple hours, and he hadn't slept a wink. Iruka hung up his mask and threw himself sluggishly into his bed. He dreamt about Kakashi.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Yes, this has taken forever. I'm sorry! It's twenty-two pages though, which is crazy long for me. The longest I've ever written for a single chapter is twenty-three, and that was for a one-shot (it's called Sexy-no-Jutsu, and if you haven't read it, you should go do that right now! Yay for shameless self-promotion!).

Next chapter: Iruka recruits more help, Kakashi starts putting clues together, and Susumu the Elder-bitch strikes again! Don don doooon!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I'm sooo sorry for the delay. There were AP tests, and Prom week, and then I've just been slacking off with my stories and playing Suikoden V. I swear on the precious that I will never abandon this fic, though, no matter how long it takes me to update.

And a second note that will make sense a little later. I don't own the song "I Got You, Babe' by Sonny and Cher. Don't sue me.

Prankster

Chapter 5: Entangled

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Kakashi awoke at seven in the morning the next day. He was quite convinced that the Prankster's late-night visit had been a dream, until he found a bottle of shampoo in his shower that changed his hair from the rainbow monstrosity back to its normal fly-away silver. He kicked himself for not having woken up when his quarry was hovering right over him (well, he didn't _really_ kick himself, even though he might have been flexible enough to pull it off, but there was much proverbial kicking).

He dried his now-colorless hair off and rooted out his old list of Prankster qualities and his new list of suspects. He crossed off the ninja that didn't have brown hair, which left him with about fifteen names. He debated adding in 'sexy as hell' and 'gives great blowjobs' to the first list, but decided against it in case the security of said list was somehow compromised (in other words, he didn't want anyone else reading the list and deciding to test out the Prankster's abilities on their own). Now he just needed to stalk each of the fifteen until they did something to prove their guilt or innocence.

The first name on the list was still Iruka. Yes, Kakashi admitted he still had some flaws in his investigative system for the other man to be a suspect. He decided he'd start at the bottom of the list and work his way up. That way, if he couldn't find anything out today, he'd at least end his investigation with a visit to his friend, which would cheer him up.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka grudgingly rolled out of bed after only three hours of sleep. He stumbled toward his coffee-maker and began brewing that blessed elixir. While he waited, he stuffed the quizzes he'd meant to grade but had completely forgotten into his bag and tired to make himself presentable. He found a note slid under his door frame and picked it up blearily, not even bothering to check for traps or wires.

It was a quick note from Hinata, asking him to come by before school to pick up the costume he'd ask her to make for him. Iruka groaned. He was tired, damn it! He poured himself a cup of steaming coffee and downed it in one swig. Feeling slightly more awake, he threw his bag over his shoulder, slid his Prankster mask safely inside, and went to pay the Hyuuga household a visit.

Iruka really didn't pay attention to where he was going, but he at least had the presence of mind to look around to make sure no one was around and put on his mask before he slipped into the Hyuuga Mansion. He wouldn't be able to explain his presence if he were to be caught as himself; as the Prankster, no one would question him sneaking around, although they might try to catch him.

Hanabi was the first to spot him as he searched for Hinata. The little girl squealed, dropped her plate of pancakes, and hid her blushing cheeks behind her hands. Hinata peeked into the room to see what had caused the commotion, and greeted Iruka.

"Good morning, Prankster-san. I have what you requested." She pointed to a non-descript cardboard box that sat innocently in the corner of the kitchen.

"Thank you, Hinata-chan." Iruka said wearily. The box was stuffed into the bag with the papers. Iruka turned to leave.

"I-I-Iruka-sensei?" Hanabi stammered, sounding exactly like her older sister did at her age. Iruka turned around and looked at her. "Would you…l-like to stay for breakfast?" She pleaded.

"Hanabi! You mustn't call him by his name." Hinata corrected.

"I'm sorry, Hanabi-chan, but I've got to be going. I'm very busy this morning." Hanabi sighed. "I'll see you later, at the academy." He reminded her. She nodded and smiled.

Iruka reached out to slide the door open and leave, but it slid open on its own before he could even touch it. Iruka found himself face to face with Neji, Lee, and TenTen. He blinked. Neji stared, stoic as always, but his two teammates stood stunned, watching the Prankster with rapture. Iruka sighed. He didn't have time for this!

TenTen recovered from the shock a few seconds before Lee did. "Can I have your autograph?" She begged. "You're the most kick-ass shinobi in the village! You're cooler than Tsunade-sama!" That was pretty high praise, coming from the kunoichi that had hero-worshiped the female sannin since she'd been old enough to talk.

"What is the Prankster doing in your house, Neji-san?" Lee asked. He was a little more wary of the masked stranger that had stolen his beloved sensei's spandex.

"We're helping him!" Hanabi bragged before her quiet cousins could make up an excuse. "Neji, Hinata, and I. We're probably the only ones in the village that he trusts to help him!" The littlest Hyuuga looked very pleased with herself for being able to help the object of her affections. Iruka wondered vaguely if Hanabi's crush would last through end of the year exams, or if she would find someone else to worship that didn't assign her so much homework.

He rubbed his temples and maneuvered himself past his former students.

"Wait!" TenTen and Lee cried after him in unison. Iruka stopped. "We want to help too!" Well, Iruka had been wishing for more help with his second job. 'I should be careful what I wish for' he thought, looking at his watch. Yes, he needed the help, but it couldn't have come at a more inconvenient time ('or, wait, it probably could. Knock on wood' Iruka's mind told him). He had less than five minutes to get to the academy.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Across town, Sakura was running out of her house. She carried an envelope of pictures with her, and she stopped to peek at them every few minutes. Though she had looked at them at least ten times by now, she was still in awe.

The pictures had been slid under her door frame before she'd woken up, and there was nothing written on the envelope other than, 'Thought you might want to see this'. Sakura wondered if she'd been pranked. After all, the pictures inside were too outrageous to be true. Maybe they'd been doctored?

She stumbled, embarrassingly enough, although at least there wasn't anyone in the streets yet to see her. The pictures went flying out of her hands and littered the streets. She chased after then, gathering them back up lovingly. Sakura wasn't sure _why_ she was lovingly gathering pictures of Rock Lee in civilian clothes, other than the fact that he cleaned up nicely. Quiet nicely, in fact. The pictures in Sakura's envelope showed Lee from various angles, wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, hair mussed up and not looking like something to eat breakfast out of, muscles rippling, teeth brightly glinting in one of his signature smiles.

When Sakura first set eyes on the photos and saw exactly how nice Lee could look, she remembered suddenly how long it had been since she'd visited him. Sakura had talked to him often while he was in the hospital, but since he'd recovered, they'd seen less and less of each other. The kunoichi decided it was time to pay him a friendly visit.

The wind carried the last picture of Lee in a swirling path along the street. Sakura snatched it up and admired it. It didn't at all seem strange to her that she was mooning over a picture that she would have found repulsive a year ago, because of Lee's fuzzy eyebrows and round eyes. Unique wasn't as bad as it had seemed to her at twelve. Now, she could look past the roundness of the eyes to see the passion within, and the eyebrows were less fuzzy and more bold expressions of Lee's character.

Her stalker instincts, still finely honed despite the absence of her old target Sasuke, told her that Lee could be found at his teammate's house at this hour of the morning. She headed to the Hyuuga Mansion to find Lee and ask him if he'd like to eat lunch with her. But first, she stowed the pictures away in the pockets of her medical apron. 'Wouldn't want anyone else seeing Lee looking so nice, now would I? Competition can be brutal.' She thought. 'You can never be sure when one of the other kunoichi, like that Ino-pig, is going to swoop in and try to steal your guy.'

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka tried to tell the eager helpers at the Hyuuga Mansion that, yes, he'd love their help, but could they work it out later, when he had more time? He kept creeping backwards toward the door. He reached his hand out behind him and touched the door. His hand found the handle and he was about to slide it open when it began to slide on its own again. Sakura popped through the door. Iruka could have wept.

"The Prankster!" She gasped. "What's he doing here?" Then, curiously enough, the pink-haired girl turned to Lee and waved shyly. "Good morning, Lee-san!" She giggled. Lee blushed and waved back with a smile. TenTen smiled mischievously.

"We're helping him with pranks!" Hanabi proclaimed.

"Oh, I want to help too!" Sakura squealed. Iruka now only had four minutes to get to the academy, and it was on the other side of the village! The little army of students wasn't going to let him out before he allowed them to join the Prankster ranks, though, and they seemed to have unlimited reinforcements.

"Fine. You guys can do whatever you want, just try not to hurt anyone's feelings and put everything back the way it was before you pranked it when you're done. I've really got to go now!" Iruka lunged at the door, all pretence of tact forgotten. Before he could reach the threshold, however, it slid open on its own once again.

"Yo, Hinata! You're late for training!" Kiba yelled, walking through the door. Shino followed. "Whoa, what's HE doing here?"

Hanabi was having a field day explaining again. Iruka shoved past the new additions to the Prankster Army and made a break for the outside.

"Wait, Prankster-san! You have to tell us what you want us to do!" TenTen called after him.

"We will loyally serve your every command!" Lee added.

"Just ask Neji and Hinata! I've got to go!" Iruka shouted, not even stopping his mad dash for the door. Only three minutes left, and every minute late an academy sensei arrives, a proportionate number of desks are destroyed, or so Iruka had heard.

The Rookie Nine must possess some sort of telepathic signals that calls them all together during times of crisis or excitement, because Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji were waiting right outside of the Hyuuga Complex. Before they could even ask, Iruka told them, "Go ask inside, I don't care if you join, I've got to be somewhere right now!"

Iruka really wouldn't have been surprised if Naruto and Sasuke showed up next. Hell, soon enough, he'd have the whole chuunin ninja force on his side. 'Kami-sama, you have a weird sense of humor!' Iruka thought.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka arrived at the Academy three minutes late. Sure enough, about a third of the desks and chairs in his classroom had been destroyed. The students had somehow located the hidden and locked down practice weapons, and were playing a friendly game of Dodge-Shuriken. Iruka's temples throbbed, and his pace turned scarlet, except for his scar, which went dangerously pale.

Within the next minute, every student was bound and gagged in their chairs or on the floors, if the chair they usually occupied was one of the casualties. The little children caught sight of Iruka's face (luckily he'd remembered to take off the mask right before he burst into the room) and immediately stopped struggling.

The next twelve and a half minutes were devoted to a lecture Iruka gave his tied-up students about the responsibilities of a shinobi of Konoha, _and if he EVER caught them PLAYING with practice weapons again, THERE WOULDN'T BE ENOUGH LEFT OF THEM FOR A HUNTER-NIN TO FIND!_ When the lecture was finished and Iruka's face returned to its normal healthy tan, Iruka untied his pupils. They scurried around the classroom, picking up everything they'd tossed around the class, piecing the furniture back together as best they could.

Order was restored to the class. Iruka taught the lesson as if the whole incident had never happened (he always did, and the children had learned never to bring it up). Lunchtime rolled around and Iruka released his students with a smile. As soon as the last student filed out and the room was blessedly empty, Iruka flopped his head down on his desk and snoozed.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi had eliminated five more names by the time his stomach protested that he take a break for lunch. His search hadn't been fruitless, he told himself. He'd done some very necessary eliminating. He was quite sure that one of the ten remaining names on his list was the culprit.

Kakashi stopped at one of the street shops and ducked inside to grab a bite to eat. Anko sat at a table in the corner, munching loudly on her beloved dango, so he ordered his food and sat down beside her.

"Say, Anko, you're mischievous and enjoy spreading chaos. Do you know who the jokesters of the chuunin are?"

Anko chewed on her dango stick thoughtfully. "I wouldn't know much about the chuunin. Sorry." Kakashi sighed. He devoured his food in a flash while Anko was looking down at her dango and dumplings.

"Well then, I'll be off." Kakashi told her. "I've got to go rescue some firemen who are trying to get a demon kitten out of a tree." He waved at her and ducked out of the restaurant.

"Kakashi, if you want to know about chuunin troublemakers, you should ask Iruka-kun!" He heard her shout (she sounded like her mouth was full). Immediately, the copy-nin was back at her side.

"What was that?" He asked eagerly.

"Iruka, he was the biggest goof-off of our year in the Academy. Everybody knows that. He was voted 'Class Clown' and everything. If you want to know about chuunin mischief, he's the expert." Kakashi stared. Since when had Iruka been anything but a model citizen? A little mental calculation told him that the time period that Iruka must have been causing trouble in was the same one that Kakashi was still acting like an antisocial genius jerk, so it wouldn't be a surprise that he didn't know about Iruka's past.

Kakashi thanked Anko, paid for a second order of dango for her, and quickly ran to the Academy. 'I'll have to hurry. Lunch break is almost over.'

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Knocking rattled the door to Tsunade's office. Her desk shook with the impact of each blow.

"Come in, Susumu-san." She called wearily. The irate elder threw open the door and stormed in. He froze for a moment when he saw her- she was wearing a bonnet, and on her desk was a glass with false teeth. A cane hung on the back of her chair. 'Prankster,' the articles clearly read.

"I see you've been a victim of the hooligan as well. I want to know exactly why this problem hasn't been taken care of yet, Tsunade-sama!"

"I've told you repeatedly, Susumu. I've got my top shinobi working on this case. These things take time, and honestly, I think we have more important concerns to focus on right now."

"Ah yes, the information leak to Hidden Sound. That's why I'm here. I have reason to believe that this 'Prankster' villain is the source of the leak." Susumu said.

"Do you have any evidence?" Tsunade asked. 'A grudge is no reason to accuse a person of any crime, especially not one as grave as treason.' She berated him silently.

"He sneaks freely into the homes and offices of our top ninja. I think these pranks are just a cover-up for his real goal. We are letting him pass along vital security information unhindered, just because he can produce some fancy parlor tricks!"

"I didn't ask for your opinions, Susumu. Do you have any concrete evidence?"

"Not yet." Susumu grudgingly admitted.

"Then I can't do anything more that what I already am." Tsunade told him, in a voice she reserved for explaining things to small children and Jiraiya.

"I'll get you the evidence!" Susumu shouted at her. "Your 'top shinobi' had better have caught him by then, because I'll be calling for his immediate arrest!"

"You're dismissed." Tsunade told him coldly. She hated most of the elders, but Susumu had just boosted himself up to number one on her hit-list. What kind of bastard man tried to get a nin arrested for treason for playing a few well-meant pranks? Everyone else in the village, herself included, accepted the pranks with grace. She was proud of the fact that her temper hadn't exploded when she'd arrive today to find her desk decorated with dentures, canes, spectacles, and a bonnet.

There was a racket outside, so Tsunade went out on the balcony. Shizune joined her a second later.

Below, on the streets, a white sheet had been hung up on the wall at the center of Konoha. Across from it was a projector, and a group of ten little ninja, each wearing a Mardi Gras mask. Three were working on rigging up speakers, while two were focusing the projector. The rest were gathering people into the square to watch.

One of the speaker riggers gave the projector focusers a thumbs up, and the projector flipped on. On the sheet-screen stood caricatures of Tsunade and Jiraiya, each holding a little cartoon microphone. Music started up, and both chibi-Tsunade and chibi-Jiraiya started dancing.

_"They say we're young and we don't know,_

_We won't find out unti-i-il we're grown!"_ Chibi-Tsunade lip-synced.

"_Well I don't know if all that's true  
_

_Cuz you got me and baby I got you!_

_Babe!"_ Jiraiya mouthed as Sonny sang.

"_I got you babe!" _the two caricatures sang together. They bumped hips together, spun around in circles, flapped their arms, and did the wave back and forth. They continued dancing wildly and singing their song long after the audience drowned out the speakers with their roaring laughter.

Shizune collapsed in a fit of giggles, and Tsunade was wiping tears out of her eyes. The song finished, and the team of mini-Pranksters took a bow. Chibi-Tsunade and chibi-Jiraiya disappeared, and a chibi-Prankster walked out on the screen.

"I'm the Prankster and I approve this prank!" The message appearing under his feet read. Then the Prankster, gaudy Mardi-Gras mask and all, disappeared in a flash of animated smoke, and a final message appeared on the screen. "F.O.P." it read in big block letters. Underneath, in smaller script, was the explanation. "This has been a 'Friends of the Prankster' production.'

A masked nin with twin buns on the side of her hair took a second bow. The ten Friends of the Prankster grabbed their equipment and fled the square, their work done.

"I'm glad out Prankster has some allies at least." Tsunade confided in Shizune.

"I never knew TenTen-chan was such a talented animator." Shizune whispered back to the Hokage. They went back inside the office, moods considerable lightened.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi slipped into Iruka's classroom silently, as was his habit (and an important life skill, no matter how much Iruka yelled at him for sneaking up on people). He found his favorite sensei napping on his grade book. The jounin didn't have a camera with him, so he took a moment to Sharingan the image in his head for all times. It was just so cute! Iruka's mouth was wide open and his cheeks were flushed and strands of his hair were slipping out of his ponytail to frame his face.

"Iruka. Hey, Iruka, wake up." He finally whispered into Iruka's ear. The chuunin shifted in his sleep and batted at Kakashi's head lazily.

"Go 'way!" the sensei mumbled.

"The children are in the weapons again." Kakashi said. Iruka was awake instantly.

"What! I told them-!" The brunet shouted, before looking around and realizing that his students weren't back yet.

"I hate it when you do that." He told Kakashi, who grinned.

"Tsk tsk. Falling asleep on the job, Iruka-sensei. Very naughty. What have you been doing late at night, to be so tired now?"

"Sorry. I was up late grading some papers. I always like to return them to the students as soon as I can, so they can correct their mistakes while the material is fresh in their minds."

"Oh." Kakashi said. Iruka couldn't have been out pranking the village and giving Kakashi a mind-blowing climax if he was at home grading papers. And besides, Kakashi couldn't believe Iruka was as hell-raising as Anko made him out to be, not when he slept looking like an angel. Iruka was too…innocent for pranking.

"Who on this list do you think is a candidate for Prankster? You know the chuunin better than I do." He handed Iruka the list. Iruka wearily raised an eyebrow as he read his own name.

"So, the Prankster is a chuunin now? I thought you were sure he was jounin." Iruka took a red grading pen and put a mark beside the chuunin that he knew to be wild. He crossed out two more names, and handed back the list. Kakashi studied it.

"Kakashi! You've got to come see this! The Prankster's got a whole organization now!" Asuma appeared in the room and told Kakashi. The tall jounin began to explain what had happened in the village square, but trailed off as he felt Iruka's glare boring into him.

"Ahem." Iruka coughed, pointing at the 'No Smoking' sign. Asuma extinguished his ever-present cigarette under the sensei's scrutiny and continued his tale. He finished and transported himself out of the classroom again, probably so he could light his smoke-stick back up.

"I guess I gotta go then." Kakashi told Iruka. "Thanks for your help." The copy-nin was half-way out the window when he turned back around and looked straight at the chuunin. "Hey, do you have a map?" He asked suddenly.

"A map? No. Why?"

"Because I just got lost in your eyes!" With the cheesy pick-up line shared and Iruka smiling, Kakashi hopped out of the window.

The children were walking back into the school, whispering to themselves as he passed by. Kakashi might have been surprised by what they were saying, if he had been paying any attention to their conversation.

"Why didn't Iruka-sensei pass back our quizzes yet?" Moegi asked Konohamaru.

"He's never taken this long with them before." Udon added.

"Well, he's never been late before either. I think we shouldn't say anything about it. Being tied up once today is enough for me." Konohamaru told them.

Alas. Kakashi wasn't listening to what the little children were whispering about. He hopped roofs to the town square and began questioning people about what had just happened, all the while feeling that he had missed something vital…

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka managed to stay awake or the rest of the school day, although it felt like a load had been lifted off his shoulders when the bell finally rang to release the kids. He just had one prank to complete, then he could go home and sleep. It was a Friday, so he wouldn't even have to worry about grading his papers until Sunday evening.

The chuunin went into the bathroom and changed into the costume Hinata had fixed up for him. He was very glad for the help of his former students now. Kakashi was very close in his search, and the FOPs would keep the silver-haired jounin busy until Iruka had a little more chance to rest.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Morino Ibiki stood in front of a classroom of his own.

"The key to successful torture," he told his class of special jounin and ANBU ninja, "is image. You want to be imposing. Your appearance should tell any captured nin 'tell me or die' long before you start making any threats. This can be done in a number of ways. Slide one!" Ibiki's assistant rolled down the overhead projector screen and began a slide-show.

A knock came at the door. Ibiki silenced the room with a gesture. "Observe, class. Intimidation, the most important technique of interrogation. He flung the door open without warning.

The ninja on the other side of the door looked up at him, unfazed. He was dressed in courier-nin garb, his face obscured by goggles and hood.

"Telegram for Morino Ibiki." He said. Ibiki glared at him, determined to make this courier an example for his class.

"Go ahead." He growled after a moment of awkward silence. The courier-nin opened up his mail-carrying pouch and pulled out a harmonica. He blew a note, and started to sing.

"_How many weapons do you need to buy? Stop!_

_Is it only shuriken, or also kunai? Stop!_

_Is it cash or credit you're going to pay? Stop!_

_Hokage's sending out the order today! Stop!_"

The class stared at Ibiki's dumbfounded expression.

"Hokage-sama needs a reply as soon as possible, Ibiki-san." The courier told Ibiki. The special jounin was silent for a moment.

"Thirty-seven shuriken, five dozen kunai. They'll go on my credit." He finally replied.

"Pardon me, Ibiki-san, but I only carry singing telegrams. If you aren't going to sing, I can't deliver your message." The class sniggered. Ibiki blinked.

Ibiki opened his mouth to give his reply, but the courier ninja cut him off with another note on his harmonica.

"You can start now, Ibiki-san." He told him matter-of-factly.

"Can't you deliver a normal message, just this once?" Ibiki asked.

"Sorry. It's against the code of the courier ninja. It doesn't have to rhyme, if that helps any." He played the note again, waving at Ibiki to start. The class was on the edge of its seat, waiting to see what their sensei would do.

" _Thirty-seven shuriken, sixty kunai. Stop._

_First person to mention this is going to die! Stop._

_It goes on my credit. Stop. If this leaves this room,_

_Every one of you meets your doom! Stop._"

Ibiki glared at every jounin and ANBU in the room, daring them to laugh. Being Jounin and ANBU, though, they all did. The courier-nin disappeared from the room as the brawl ensued.

Once Ibiki was satisfied that his class had been properly punished, he went back to his slide-show.

"That was the Prankster!" Kurenai whispered to Genma, who sat next to her in the third row. The room was full of ninja, so naturally everyone could hear their conversation.

"How do you know? Those freaky courier nin can be pretty weird. They could really have a code for singing telegrams." Genma 'whispered' back.

"That number. I've seen courier number 1234567 before, and that one was female. Ibiki just got pranked!" The class giggled again.

"Next slide!" Ibiki shouted. "A second interrogation technique, though not as conventional, is the Random Technique. It involved confusing the hell out of the ninja being questioned until they comply. I don't think that one needs any more explanation. Next slide!"

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi had his hands full with all the new pranks popping up. The FOPs were an active bunch of kids, and there were rumors that Ibiki's Interrogation class had gotten hit as well. It was getting hard to distinguish between what was Prankster work and what was FOP. The poor copy-nin hadn't had enough time to investigate the last seven names on his list. As soon as he'd finish recording the details of the dye-in-the-public-baths trick, he'd find out someone had released frogs at the ramen stand.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka stripped out of his courier ninja costume and into his pajamas. He set his alarm to go off just before sunset, and curled up in his bed for a much-needed nap. FOP was doing a good enough job of pranking that he would be able to 'retire' soon. He had just one more prank to pull, and then he'd be done.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The sun was painting the sky multi-colored, and Kakashi hadn't yet gotten rid of the feeling that he was missing something. He was sure he'd recorded all the pranks that had been pulled that day, from the dentures on the Hokage's desk to the infamous singing telegram.

The copy-nin rested on a bench and thought. Were there any clues he was missing from FOP? They weren't as concerned with secrecy as the Prankster himself was, so he knew who some of them were. The Hyuugas, as unlikely as it seemed, were conspirators. He'd even caught Hanabi recruiting Konohamaru and his little crew to be part of the organization.

'Konohamaru!' His mind shouted, as if he'd stumbled onto the key piece of information. Why was Konohamaru important?

Kakashi thought back over his day. He'd seen Konohamaru talking with Hanabi, but he'd recorded that already. That had been the only time he'd crossed the kid's path that day…or was it?

…

Kakashi's eye widened. Konohamaru and his friends had been talking when he'd left the Academy! What had they been discussing? Grades? Quizzes! The quizzes weren't graded!

"_Sorry. I was up late grading some papers."_ Iruka had told him. But that wasn't true, was it?

Iruka was a brunet. He had a sense of humor, and the thorough knowledge of basic jutsu that characterized the pranks played. He didn't have tons of chakra at his disposal, but he was oh so clever. He loved children and had access to the mission room and the academy. He was just the kind of guy who'd act stern about Kakashi's novels, yet give him an 'Eat Sleep Porn' shirt.

It sent an electric shock up his spine knowing it was Iruka that he'd chased through the darkened streets of Konoha, Iruka he'd groped, Iruka who'd sucked him off.

He had to find him! Kakashi jumped up from his bench and ran toward Iruka's apartment.

But when he arrived, the apartment was empty.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The bell attached to the door of Konoha's local Ninja-wear store rang as someone slipped inside.

"Hey, we're closing! Come back tomorrow!" The owner shouted, emptying the cash register for the night.

"I'm very sorry for inconveniencing you, but I was wondering if you could help me." At the sound of the polite voice, the owner looked up. He found a man in a feathery Mardi-Gras mask looking at him.

"Oh, Prankster-san! I didn't know it was you. I would be honored to help you. It will be very good for business to say I have enjoyed your patronage here." The Prankster nodded.

"I'm interested in seeing what sort of chakra thread you carry here." The Prankster told him. The shopkeeper came out from behind the counter and guided the masked man to the back of the store.

"I carry only the best. Let me show you."

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka left the Ninja-wear shop with two paper bags filled with chakra thread. It had taken a hardy bite out of his teacher's salary, but he thought this grand finale prank would be worth it. The thread was specially chosen to dissolve after about twelve hours of exposure to the elements, so he wouldn't be left with anything to clean up.

Iruka unwound a bit of string from the first roll and tied it around a tree branch. He hopped around the tree in a strange pattern, unwinding the thread as he went along.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi searched the village for the Prankster. He found him up a tree, chakra string trailing behind him. Kakashi fell into step behind him. The Prankster sensed his presence and sped up. The night's cat-and-mouse chase began.

Iruka was running in a strange pattern, Kakashi noted. He never went exactly to the same place he'd been before, but he would cross over his previous path, leaving thread to overlap the thread that was there from before. Kakashi wondered what the other man was doing.

The Prankster didn't slow down when his roll of thread ran out. He tied a second roll to the end of the first without stopping his strange course.

Kakashi was preoccupied watching how Iruka nimbly avoided the thread he left behind, so he didn't notice where he was placing his own feet until he stumbled, completely entangled in the string. He pulled out a kunai to cut himself free, but the Prankster circled around and caught Kakashi's hand in his own.

"Don't cut it!" The Prankster pleaded. How had Kakashi not recognized Iruka's voice before? 'Well, we weren't doing much talking in our last encounters!' His mind retorted. "You'll ruin it."

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked.

"You'll see." Iruka told him mysteriously.

"If I don't know what the thread is for, I don't see a reason not to cut it." Kakashi said. Iruka tensed.

"Please don't. If you'll leave it how it is and let me finish this in peace, I'll let you catch me."

"No running away this time?"

"No running. I promise." With that, Kakashi tucked his kunai back into his weapons pouch, and Iruka began delicately untangling his feet. Within a few moments, Kakashi was free.

Iruka handed Kakashi a roll of thread. "Want to help?" He asked. Kakashi nodded, eager to be done with whatever Iruka was doing so he could get to the unmasking.

"Do you have the pattern down? Just move like I was, over there."

Together, Kakashi and Iruka strung up chakra thread in the trees, buildings, telephone poles, and anything that stood taller than ten feet and didn't move.

"So, now will you tell me what this is for?" Kakashi asked.

"Just wait. It's going to rain." Iruka told him. Sure enough, a moment later, a light spring shower started. Beads of water clung to the thread like an oversized spider web. Even in the fading light, the droplets glistened. In the morning sunlight, they were going to be brilliant.

"Wow. The children are going to love this one." Kakashi said. Iruka nodded.

"They got so excited the other day because they found a spider web covered in dew. Imaging the whole village sparkling like that. I thought it'd be a nice last prank."

"Last prank? What do you mean? I'm not going to stop you, if that's what you think." Kakashi said.

"Oh, no. I don't think that. It's just, the FOP seems to be doing a good enough job, and I'm too busy to keep it up on my own. I'm almost out of ideas anyways. Enough about that, though. We're getting soaked. Let's find somewhere dry. We can talk there."

Iruka hopped into the forest. Kakashi followed after him like a smitten puppy.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The two found an empty pavilion in a clearing in the forest. They silently stripped out of their flak vests and hung them up to dry. Around them, the cool rain fell. The only sounds were the pattering of rain drops in the trees and on the roof of the pavilion and the breathing of the two ninja inside.

Iruka and Kakashi turned to face one another. Iruka's hand went to his sopping mask.

"Wait." Kakashi commanded. Iruka's hand froze. Kakashi pulled down his own mask, grinning at Iruka's gasp. "Not very comfortable when it's wet." He explained.

Iruka removed his Mardi Gras mask and tossed it aside. "You don't seem surprised. When did you figure it out?" He asked. He removed his bandanna and the tie that held up his hair, and wrung the water out of his hair.

"Just before sunset. I can't believe I didn't realize sooner." The two were silent for a moment, listening to the tranquil rain.

"Should we try to wait out the rain, or should we head home?" Iruka asked. 'Your place or mine?' Kakashi wondered to himself, although he didn't think that was quite what Iruka meant. "The rain is supposed to stop before morning, but I don't know how long before."

Kakashi had the same mentality about getting wet that his nin-dogs did. He didn't really like it, but when it was necessary, he bore it without complaint and shook himself dry when he got the change. He really wouldn't have minded running through the rain to get to his apartment. However, if he stayed, Iruka would probably strip off more of his wet clothing to keep warm. That was a pretty appealing thought.

"I think we can wait for a little while at least." He told the chuunin. Kakashi pulled off his turtleneck shirt and mask, and hung them up with his vest. Iruka followed suit, leaving only his mesh undershirt to ward off the chilly night air. Iruka also kicked off his sandals, as did Kakashi. They removed their ninja accessories: weapons, gloves, hitai-ates, bandages.

Kakashi was trying to figure out if there was any ninja etiquette against taking off one's wet pants (to avoid catching pneumonia, you know, not to seduce one's companions or anything like that! Honestly!), when he heard a sound that caused him to freeze. Actually, it was less a sound and more an absence of sound. The steady pattering of rain had faded to an occasional drip, then finally to silence.

"I guess the rain stopped for now. We should get going. It's likely to be off and on all night." Iruka told him, slipping his shoes back on and gathering his discarded clothes in his arms.

Kakashi didn't know what to do. He couldn't just let Iruka get away, not when he was wearing that mesh shirt with his hair down, gloriously wet, not when he knew first hand what Iruka could do with his mouth. Kakashi decided it was time to take the initiative. He was a jounin, after all! Jounin didn't let opportunities like this slip away, especially when it came to sex!

Kakashi swept Iruka up in his arms and pressed him against one of the pavilion's railings. There weren't any masks in the way, so the kiss he pressed into Iruka's lips went much deeper than their previous ones had.

"Your place or mine, sensei?" Kakashi asked, voice husky with desire. "We'll have to hurry, before the rain starts up again." Speak of the devil, the rain began once again, a sudden downpour without any warning.

"Here is fine." Iruka said, sliding his hands down and into Kakashi's pants. Yes, here was very fine! Kakashi removed the offending pants, and then Iruka's as well (he wouldn't want his good friend getting pneumonia, would he?). The mesh shirt was lovingly removed, and Kakashi set it gently aside, rather than tossing it like the pants. He liked how the shirt looked on Iruka, and he wasn't going to risk it getting hurt.

They were both naked now, and Kakashi shivered (with anticipation, not cold; his entire body felt like it was on fire). He licked his lips. Then he licked Iruka's lips, and then the back of Iruka's throat, for good measure. He ran his hands up and down Iruka's wet skin, which felt a few degrees cooler than it should have. Kakashi was going to have to fix that, he thought. Good thing he'd had ninja training, and knew the best way of warming a person back up was shared body heat, which Kakashi was more than willing to provide for his comrade (he was such a good team player, Kakashi was).

Kakashi massaged Iruka's hardening cock like he had done two nights ago. This time he'd do it properly and finish the job. The copy nin loved the way Iruka tossed his head back and moaned at every touch, and he made liberal use of his sharingan eye to ensure that he wouldn't be forgetting that lovely picture anytime soon.

When Kakashi finished, Iruka used that talented mouth for a repeat performance of last night, although he _didn't_ finish. Instead, he pulled away, leaving Kakashi gasping and gaping as he spread his legs and gave the jounin a 'come-hither' look. Kakashi knew it would be rude to turn down such an invitation, so he came thither. Their rain-slickened skin rubbed together as Kakashi thrust in and out. The downpour outside of the pavilion masked their moans from the outside world, had anybody been awake to hear them. They came together, or so near that it seemed so. Warm, wet, and completely satisfied, Kakashi and Iruka curled up right where they were, on the floor of a pavilion in the middle of Konoha's forest, and slept in each other's arms.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The next morning, the village awoke to a spectacular glistening world of chakra thread and rain drops. It was like the village was a giant spider web; the pattern of the thread was even woven like a web. The shining beauty was enough to make even spider haters (like Hyuuga Neji, who shuddered every time he saw a trace of a web, the mark of his near-death experience) stop and stare.

Kakashi and Iruka enjoyed the sight of the string, and even more the wonderment of the villagers, as they made their way in yesterday's damp clothes to the public baths. No one else was there that early in the morning on a Saturday, so they had the steaming waters to themselves. They emerged an hour later, and if their skin was dyed a deep shade of blue, they didn't complain a bit.

In fact, there was only one person in the entire village that found reason to complain that morning. The elder Susumu had had his best subordinates looking in to dredging up some incriminating evidence about the Prankster, but nothing could be found. It was like the man was some sort of saint, the way the villagers talked about him!

'Damn him!' Susumu thought to himself. 'I have to get rid of him! If I can't find any evidence, I'll make some instead!'

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Don don don! Cliffhanger! Well, not really. Next chapter, Iruka's gonna be in trouble! Oh no! Hope Kakashi'll be there to rescue his favorite chuunin sensei.


	6. Chapter 6

Prankster

Chapter 6: Caught

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The Prankster continued to grow in popularity even two weeks after his last prank, thanks to the Friends of the Prankster Organization. FOP was increasing at an exponential rate, and with them around, the good people of Konoha didn't even realize that Prankster himself was no longer operating.

There wasn't an academy student in the village that wasn't secretly a FOP, and the jounin, as a whole, were active members as well. FOP buttons were starting to circulate the village. They were worn in secret on the personage of a member, to be flashed at another member when member one wanted the other's cooperation for a prank. It was teaching the children discretion, at least. If a student wore a button where a teacher could see it, the 'offending' pin was confiscated, and if a sensei caught a child flashing one at another kid, both were put in detention (together, giving them plenty of quiet time to plan their mischief; the teachers were having a field day watching the crazy antics of their pupils, even if they did have to officially discourage them).

Iruka was quite satisfied with the work FOP was doing. Moral was still soaring, the children were disappointed, and he got plenty of free time to spend with Kakashi. Iruka liked spending time with Kakashi; the copy ninja gave the best massages, he made wonderful little gasping sounds when the shell of his ear was licked or nibbled on, and his shinobi training had left him mind-bogglingly flexible. Yes, it was almost safe to say that Kakashi was Iruka's favorite activity.

Iruka packed up the papers he'd finished grading and got ready to leave his classroom, still thinking about Kakashi and his flexibility. The chuunin sensei dodged the chalk-eraser over the door on his way out, disabled a Jell-O-chunk shooting catapult triggered by a trip-wire, and ducked into a storage closet in the academy hallway. Iruka pushed aside a bottle of bleach on the top shelf, revealing his infamous Prankster mask. He'd kept it hidden in the building for two weeks so he could keep making guest appearances during classes to remind the children to keep their grades up. Now that every child had a FOP pin tucked reverently into the folds of their clothes, they wouldn't need Iruka to drop by every other day. Iruka could finally get rid of the final link between himself and the Prankster.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"What do you mean you haven' found anything on the Prankster yet!" Susumu snarled at his subordinates. "You've had two weeks, you incompetent morons!"

"We're sorry, sir. There's nothing on him. It's like the man's a saint in a mask! He hasn't stolen a thing, hasn't visited any whore-houses, hasn't even looked at any alcohol or drugs." One lackey ninja replied.

"Everyone has dirty little secrets. If you can't find anything on him, make something. He's usually only seen with children, right? Start spreading rumors that he likes those children a little _too_ much. The people won't love a pedophile." The elder told them with a wicked smirk. His lackeys nodded and slipped out, ready to manufacture the gossip.

Susumu slumped back into his chair and rubbed his temples. His subordinates were useless! They couldn't do anything by themselves. If only he had more wily, competent ninja like Crow working under him…

"Crow! Get in here!" He squawked. The black-cloaked special jounin came in.

"Yes, Susumu-sama?" He asked. His voice was a quiet, dangerous hiss, the kind that forced you to lean forward to hear, yet left you with the impression that if you did, you might not lean back out intact.

"Have you finished with the documents yet?" Susumu asked. Crow nodded and passed his boss a plain manila folder.

"I have important security information and a letter from Sound Village ready. I only need to know in whose possession to plant it."

Yes, it was nice to be in the presence of a shinobi who knew what he was doing!

"Good work. I will have his identity by tonight. You'll have to work quickly, because I'll have to force the bitch to use ANBU.

"I will be ready, Susumu-sama." Crow said, leaving without a bow to the elder, before he was dismissed even. Susumu despised bad manners, but a little breach in respect would have to be overlooked for the moment. It was vital that that Prankster son of a bitch be taken out.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Tsunade had just finished pinning her FOP button to the inside of her green jacket when a furious pounding at her door startled her. The elder Susumu burst into her office without waiting for her permission. He threw a folder onto her desk.

"There's the evidence, and a formal written request for the detainment of the Prankster. I want him arrested, now!" Tsunade picked up the folder and flipped through the pages inside. She couldn't deny his request, now that he had the right paperwork. Damn it.

"I will have him brought in to be questioned, Susumu. We don't arrest anyone without a trial here in Konoha. I suggest you leave now, unless you want to accuse the ice-cream man of conspiracy."

"I will make the arrangements for a trial, Hokage-sama." Susumu told her in that sickly-sweet voice he always used when he got his way and was as smug as hell. Tsunade wished she could smack him, just once. If only she didn't need the support of the elders to run the village…

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi was training with some of his jounin buddies when he was tackled by his boyfriend and received a very welcome interruption. Iruka straddled the copy nin and captured his lips in a searing kiss.

"Been thinking about you all day." Iruka told him when Kakashi pushed him away. The chuunin nipped at his ear. Kakashi was beginning to find the groin pressed into his very distracting as his blood rushed south.

"'Ruka, I'm training right now. Mmmh, the guys are in the woods. They could come back here, ahhHH, any second." Kakashi tried to warn his lover. Iruka just shifted his hips and slid Kakashi's mask down, exposing the jounin's pale neck to nip and suck.

"Come back to my place." Iruka ordered. Kakashi glanced mournfully at the surrounding forest, then back at his horny lover.

"Genma and Raido are testing out a new stealth jutsu, 'Ruka. If I don't find them, they'll be waiting out there for hours." It didn't help the copy ninja's case to add that his two jounin friends would use the time to do what Iruka wanted to do to Kakashi, so he left that unsaid.

Iruka's hand slid down Kakashi's side and began tracing circles on the jounin's upper thigh. He switched from one side to the other, only lightly brushing Kakashi's growing erection in the process. "Leave." Iruka whispered.

Kakashi was a jounin, though, and he protested with jounin resolve (that is, he half-mumbled an excuse as he leaned in to Iruka's touch). Even torture-specialist Ibiki would've broken at Iruka's next move, though. The chuunin took a single finger and circled the tip of the cock that was straining against Kakashi's standard issue ninja pants. He raised the finger to his lips, licked it seductively, and thrust the finger into his waiting mouth. 'This is what I can do to you,' the message clearly stated.

Sharingan-no-Kakashi rolled over on top of Iruka, hauled both of them to their feet, and dragged his lover in the direction of Konoha's bachelor apartments. Genma owed Kakashi money that he refused to pay back anyways; the bastard could cool his heels in the Forbidden Area for a few hours.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

If Iruka and Kakashi had been walking at normal speed, they would have reached Kakashi's apartment in less than five minutes. As it was, they were still navigating fifteen minutes after they left the forest. Alas, they were going at make-out speed, which, if you aren't familiar, goes as follows: one step, grope, step, shove against nearest hard surface for more groping, step, repeat.

Kakashi and Iruka were between a step and a grope when it happened. A small child, one even too young for Iruka to teach, ran head on into a lamp-post and smacked his head. The thunk of the child's head caused the two ninja to pause the groping. The resonating sound of metal made them both wince in sympathy. It was the impossibly loud and forlorn wail that was the real mood-killer, though. The little kid increased and decreased his volume at random intervals, and his projection was down to a par.

Iruka released Kakashi and sighed. Why couldn't he accost his lover in peace? And why did it have to be a little Mitarashi? Iruka had had two young ones from that clan in his class through the years, and they were all notorious whiners. Experience told him that this little child would keep up the crying until he lost his voice or was sufficiently distracted. Since Kakashi's apartment was within earshot of the kid, and the mini Mitarashi's voice showed no sign of wavering, Iruka pulled out his Prankster mask from his school bag and went to quiet the little demon.

The child froze mid-scream when Iruka came into his view, but tears hung precariously from his eyes, threatening to fall at the least provocation. Iruka kneeled down in front of the little Mitarashi boy and pulled a brightly colored cartoon band aid from a vest pocket.

"Are you all right?" He asked. The boy shook his head, flinging tears onto Iruka.

"Would you like a bandage?" Iruka asked, even though the boy wasn't bleeding. Brightly colored strips of adhesive plastic always seemed to make children cheer up. Sure enough, the boy nodded and held out an uninjured arm for Iruka to bandage.

"There you go. A little bump like that isn't enough to hurt such a brave shinobi, is it?" Iruka asked. The little boy shook his head, tears instantly fading. He jumped up and hugged Iruka before scurrying off to play. Iruka hoped he would avoid any more poles, at least until the chuunin finished playing with Kakashi.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi should have noticed the near-silent sound of footsteps that followed himself and his chuunin back to Kakashi's apartment. Had he been paying attention, the former ANBU would have felt the chakra of Konoha ninja lingering outside the perimeter of his apartment as Iruka, still in his ridiculous mask, threw open the door and led Kakashi inside. If he hadn't been so distracted, Kakashi would have noticed that while he was quickly relieving Iruka of his clothing, shinobi were surrounding every possible escape route.

Unfortunately, the copy-ninja was too focused on a brown-haired chuunin sensei to notice the sounds or feel the chakra or read the signs. He crawled on top of his lover, oblivious to the dangers lurking just beyond the walls.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi felt a brief flicker of chakra, but ignored it. He removed one fingerless glove and coated his fingers with lubricant. There was chakra all around the village, but only one Iruka writhing beneath him.

The flare came again, this time as Kakashi began to gently push into his lover. The copy-nin wasn't capable of much coherent thought by that time, but his mind vaguely recalled from some far-of ninja training that shinobi hidden outside of a person's apartment were bad. He tried to gather his thoughts, but it was quite a feat when Iruka was still beneath him, wrapping long tanned legs around Kakashi's pale waste, drawing him closer.

Distracted, Kakashi kissed Iruka and tried to remember his training. The chakra felt familiar somehow, but it didn't belong to anyone he recognized.

Kakashi's smaller head was threatening to take over, but the head on his shoulders decided to provide the answer to Kakashi's scattered question.

ANBU. The chakra was ANBU. Kakashi froze.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka might not have been as astute as he was on a normal basis, but he still noticed the sudden change in his lover's disposition (not to mention his speed. 'Hurry up, dammit!' he thought). One minute, Kakashi had been going as fast and as recklessly as Iruka, hurryingly stretching him out and entering, then freezing up. The silver-haired jounin began moving again, but not with the promise of quick release that Iruka craved. Kakashi was thrusting in and out of him slowly and languidly, as if they had all the time in the world. What was going on?

"Kakashi, faster!" Iruka moaned. He bucked his hips to accentuate his point. The jounin held Iruka's hips down with steady hands, not speeding up in the slightest. "Please!" Iruka begged. He caught Kakashi's eyes to give him his best puppy stare, but the look in Kakashi's eye made him pause.

"Kakashi, what's wrong?" He asked. The jounin looked away. Iruka put a hand on Kakashi's chin and forced his gaze back to the chuunin's face.

"ANBU is waiting outside." He whispered finally. Iruka tensed.

"What! Why? What should we do?" He asked, voice rising both in volume and pitch.

"There's nothing we can do. They'll have surrounded all the exits by now. I've got a lot of enemies out there; I knew this might happen some day." Kakashi told him, trying to sound brave. Iruka wrapped his arms around the pale man and held on with an iron grip.

"Don't cry, 'Ruka. It's not that bad. They're probably just calling me in to answer some questions about my last mission." Neither was convinced by Kakashi's obvious lie; ANBU didn't wait on one's doorstep for questions.

"We can fight them." Iruka said.

"The two of us can't fight off an ANBU squad, Iruka. I'll go quietly, and I will come back; I haven't done anything worth killing me for. I'll be okay." Kakashi drew Iruka in for a deep kiss and began the unhurried thrusts once again.

Iruka gasped. "What are you doing? They're waiting outside!"

"ANBU won't interrupt us, 'Ruka. Sex is sacred for them. They'll wait until we finish; it's like a code for them." Kakashi explained. He was a former ANBU member, and knew how things worked within their circle.

"Why? Doesn't that give people a chance to escape?"

"No, while they're waiting, the squad will secure every escape route. They allow their prey to say goodbye to their lovers; it makes them surrender quietly more often, and the ANBU like to know that when it's time for someone to come after them, they'll be given the same consideration."

Iruka should have been too embarrassed to allow Kakashi to continue knowing there were ninja listening outside the door; now, the audience didn't matter. Iruka adjusted himself to the unrushed pace Kakashi set, not talking anymore except to whisper confessions of love to the jounin as he was brought to climax. If this was going to be a goodbye, Iruka was going to make sure Kakashi left completely satisfied.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi dressed slowly, dragging his heels purposely in defiance of the ANBU who lurked outside of his bedroom. He emptied out his weapon's pouch and gave Iruka one last breath-stealing kiss. He really wasn't sure whether he was going to die or not (he hadn't done anything wrong lately, but he was a ninja, so death was part of the job description), but looking at his chuunin boyfriend, he hoped not. Two weeks was too short a time to have experienced love after a lifetime of loneliness.

"I'm going out first. I don't want you getting caught up in this." He told Iruka.

Without a warning, the copy-ninja flung the door open, smirking with satisfaction at the startled jumps of some of the masked shinobi that lounged in his apartment. He strode to the middle of his den confidently. He looked back at Iruka, who stood at the door of the bedroom.

"We ask that you surrender any weapons and come with us." The ANBU leader said. Kakashi stepped forward.

"I will." The ANBU leader tilted his head, portraying the confusion that his plaster cat mask hid.

"Not you. We're here for the Prankster. I'm assuming that is you, Iruka-sensei?"

"Yes, it is." Iruka responded.

Kakashi's blood boiled in rage. They were here for Iruka! 'It was supposed to be me, not him!' his mind yelled. He couldn't let ANBU take his Iruka away.

"We are only detaining you for questioning, Iruka-sensei. Someone in the village has drawing up charges against you that need investigating." The ANBU leader continued.

Kakashi searched the room with his sharingan in a frenzy. There it was, the kunai he kept ferreted away under his couch for emergencies. Kakashi dove for it. If he could get to it and take out the leader and the ANBU on the left, Iruka would have a chance to escape. Kakashi might be declared a missing nin for it, but he had to save Iruka.

A foot slammed into his back mid-dive and sent him crashing into the floor. Two sets of knees pinned him to the floor.

"Kakashi, stop it!" Iruka cried. "You'll get hurt."

Kakashi twisted and bucked, but he couldn't shake the ANBU that kneeled on top of him. He watched helpless as the ANBU leader and his entourage led Iruka away. As soon as they were out of the apartment, the two ANBU that kept him captive released him, but it was too late. There was no sign of him in the hallway, or on the street, or anywhere in the village.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

I'm a horrible horrible authoress, and I apologize. It takes me forever to update, and when I do, I only get down half of what I hoped to in the chapter. It's just, I'm starting training for my summer job, so my free-time is nonexistent. I'll try to get the rest of what I had planned for this chapter out by tomorrow. Key word there is try, though.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Just wanted to answer some questions here. First off, yes, Susumu is an OC, although he is based off of what we've seen of the bitchy-elders in the series. Crow is also an OC (his name is based off of Raven from Suiko V; you'll understand if you've played it). The Mitarashi boy wasn't a plant, just a clumsy little kid, although he did indirectly lead to Iruka's capture because Iruka put on his mask and went out in public to help him out.

Also, I might be planning to kill a character. Don don dooooon!

And a question for DCourtes- What do the extra S's in LMASSO stand for? I've never been too good at the computer acronyms before, and this one has been confusing the hell out of me for a while now.

Thank you all for reviewing! Your positive encouragement and hilarious comments make me honored to write for you all.

Prankster

Chapter 7: Trial

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Glaring light filled the tiny underground room. The ANBU guards forced Iruka down onto a hard ladder-back chair and handcuffed his hands behind him. 'Ah, interrogation. Fun.' Iruka thought.

Iruka's vision was blurred by the blinding light shining in his eyes, so he couldn't tell who the darkened silhouette standing in front of him was until it spoke.

"Have you been passing information to Sound?" The shape asked with the gruff, intimidating manner he recognized as Ibiki.

"No. Of course not." Iruka replied. Honestly, how had Ibiki become Director of Interrogation with tactics like _that_? Weren't there supposed to be a few mind-games before questioning directly?

The bright lights were switched off and Iruka's bound hands were released. He rubbed his sore wrists.

"Wait, that's it? You dragged me out of my bed for one lousy question?" Iruka asked, legendary temper beginning to flare.

"From the way I heard it, we dragged you out of Kakashi's bed for one lousy question." Ibiki clipped. "I can't release you yet, but I'm finished questioning you. Nobody really believes the accusations."

"What accusations? Who's accusing me?" As a teacher, Iruka always liked to answer his students' questions; ANBU and the interrogation unit obviously did not share his consideration.

"That's confidential for now, Iruka-sensei." Ibiki told him. "You'll have to stay here for now. Your guards will get you anything you need." The special jounin left the tiny interrogation cell. Iruka looked his ANBU guard over once and decided escape wasn't an option. The masked shinobi was covered with lithe muscles and was armed to the teeth.

"If I'm going to be staying here, I'd at least like a better chair. This one belongs in one of you guy's torture chambers, not in the questioning room." Iruka told the ANBU in his best 'haughty-teacher' voice. He prided himself on sounding a lot calmer than he felt. If nobody believed he was a spy or whatever it was he was being accused of, then why was he being kept here? What the hell was going on?

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

When the Hokage arrived at his cell almost a full hour later, she found Iruka seated in a padded swivel chair, sipping on a cup of hot tea and nibbling on an egg-roll. The sensei figured that if muscle-ANBU over there was going to keep him captive, Iruka was obligated to make his life as miserable as possible. In addition to the furniture and light refreshments, Iruka had sent his guard out on three separate trips, for pillows, blankets, and a hard-to-find special edition issue of Konoha Weekly.

"I was going to tell you not to worry, Iruka-kun, but you seem to be holding your own against ANBU quite well. Have you ever considered applying for jounin rank?" Tsunade asked, helping herself to some tea.

"What is going on, Tsunade-sama? No one will tell me why I'm here." Iruka told her. He offered her an egg-roll which she declined. He heard the guard come back in and slide the magazine under the door.

"Hey, ANBU! How about some sake in here!" He shouted. Iruka listened to the string of muffled curses that followed his demand and smirked with satisfaction. Tsunade's eyes gleamed at the mention of sake.

"Here's the situation. Remember the complaints about the Prankster before?" Tsunade asked.

"Yes. I took care of that, though. And what does any of that have to do with Sound?"

"I'm getting to that. One of the Elders demanded before that you be put on trial, but I was able to deny him because he had no evidence of lawbreaking. He's managed to dredge up evidence now that links you with a crime, and I can't get out on a loop-hole this time."

You're Hokage. You could pardon me and this elder wouldn't be able to stop you." Iruka pointed out. He wanted this to be over with so he could go back to Kakashi.

"Technically I have the power to do that, but in order to get anything done in the village, I need the support of the elders. If the others see me refusing the requests of one elder, they might fear losing their own power and side with him." Tsunade explained, frowning at the thought of how politics screwed things up so badly.

"So what are you planning on doing, then, Hokage-sama?" Iruka asked, not liking where this conversation was heading.

"We'll hold the trial, Iruka-kun. We all know you're one of the most loyal ninja in the village. Once the elders see that the elder accusing you is in the wrong and that we have the public on our side, I'll be able to speak out against him without losing the support of the others. Does that make sense?"

"That's not the whole story, though. You're not telling me something." Iruka prompted.

"That's true. There has to be a reason this man would go so far as to manufacture false evidence against you, Iruka. I'm hoping that if we can lure him out into the open and convince him that he's winning, we'll be able to find out what he's trying to do."

"You want me to be the bait?" Iruka dead-panned. He hoped ANBU hurried up with that sake. He could use a drink right about now.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

If Hatake Kakashi's hair hadn't started off silver, he was sure he would have gone grey with all the stress he's felt in the last hour. When Iruka had been taken away, he'd scoured the village looking for him. He'd found nothing. Next, he'd summoned up every ninja dog he'd ever trained, to no avail. ANBU was too good to leave a scent trail, especially when they knew Kakashi would be trying to follow them. He'd then stormed into the Hokage's office to demand Iruka's immediate release, only to discover the legendary kunoichi had already left.

'Iruka would leave a very strongly-worded note for Tsunade if he found out she was abandoning her post.' He thought at first. That only made him thing of the danger Iruka was in now, though, and had almost led to a panic attack.

Desperate, he'd gone to the only allies he had- the FOP. Iruka had told him that the Rookie Nine and Team Gai were his co-conspirators. Kakashi found himself at the Hyuuga Mansion before he consciously decided to go there.

"Good evening, Kakashi-sensei." Hinata greeted him. She looked at him with her blank eyes and frowned slightly. "What's the matter? You look upset."

"They've taken Iruka. I have to find him." Kakashi told her, not caring that his panic and desperation showed clearly in his voice.

"Who's taken Iruka-sensei?" Hanabi asked from the hallway. "Whoever it is, if they lay one finger on them, I'll kick their ass!" She shouted, pumping her fists in the air like Sakura used to when she was angered.

"Hanabi!" Hinata gasped. "You shouldn't use that sort of language!" She told her younger sister.

Kakashi ignored the family argument. "Your eyes, can you use them to find Iruka? The sharingan can't penetrate walls, but the Byakugan can."

"We can try." Hinata nodded.

"Hell yeah!" Hanabi yelled, ignoring the scandalized glare her older sister gave her.

"That won't be necessary." Neji said, walking into the room. "I know where Iruka is. You aren't going to like it."

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Susumu's plan was playing out perfectly. The Prankster had been caught after showing his face in public to help some little snot-nosed brat, and the gambling-bitch couldn't risk losing the support of the counsel of Elders, so she'd have to try the Prankster. The rumors had been spread, and already mothers were giving disapproving looks at their children for wearing FOP buttons. Crow had produced enough evidence to get the Prankster arrested, and the Sound letter planted in the man's apartment would be the polishing stone. With that, he'd be exiled at the least, executed at the most.

He gave the orders for the trial arrangements to be made at once. It would go much smoother if he acted quickly and didn't give people enough time to realize what was going on. The law required that the trial be a public one, but if he executed it before anyone found out about it, he wouldn't have to worry about a troublesome audience rooting for that damned miscreant.

The Prankster would go on trial in half an hour. Whether he ended up dead or exiled, the Prankster would be out of Susumu's life forever in less than a day, and there was nothing even the Hokage could do about it.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"A trial!" Kakashi shouted. "For what? Iruka hasn't done anything wrong!"

"The Elder Susumu is accusing him of treason, espionage, and a few other charges, and there is word that he has physical evidence to back his claims. The trial is going to take place in half an hour."

"Half an hour? That's not enough time to get everything ready and let people know about it." Hinata pointed out.

"That's probably his plan." Kakashi said. "Susumu has tried to make trouble for Iruka before. He's probably hoping to put us at a disadvantage by not giving us enough time to prepare our counter-argument and gather support. I'll bet he's had his side ready for this for weeks."

"What can we do? We have to help Iruka-sensei!" Hanabi cried.

"We'll do exactly what that Susumu-bastard is trying to avoid; we'll make sure every person in Konoha is at that trial!" Kakashi shouted. "Hurry up now. I need you to get everyone you know and tell them. Have them go tell everyone they know. We don't have much time left!"

Kakashi didn't wait for their affirmation. He sprang out of the room and ran to the bar he knew his jounin friends would be hanging out at. If you wanted something known all over the village, you told either Anko or Genma. He planned on telling them and all of their friends; the story would be all over the village in a matter of minutes.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka sat in the defendant's chair that had been set up in the village square, feeling more than a little disoriented. He'd prepared himself some for the trial, but neither he nor the Hokage had expected it to be so soon. When Tsunade had found out preparations were all ready being made before she even left Iruka's cell, she'd broken down three walls with one amazing, anger-filled punch.

The square was completely empty except for himself and his ANBU guards; Tsunade had disappeared to make arrangements as judge, the jury was waiting to be escorted in, and the mystery elder that was accusing him hadn't showed up yet. He sat once again on an uncomfortable chair, this time with his Prankster mask on his face, as if that were proof that he was really the Prankster.

With no villagers there to support him and no time for Tsunade to rally together the other elders, Iruka wasn't confident that he'd be declared innocent. He hadn't even had time to get himself a lawyer. Being the bait sucked!

Slowly, though, civilians and ninja alike began to trickle into the square. Some waved at him, some flashed their FOP pins, and some just stared as if they didn't know what to think of him.

The empty space filled quickly. His entire student body, past and present, seemed to be here. Jounin, Chuunin, Genin, student, even the Ramen-shop civilians crowded in. Lee flashed him a 'nice-guy' pose when he arrived with his team. Hanabi winked at him. Somehow, they must have found out about the trial and brought everyone here. He gave his co-conspirators a grateful smile.

The only ninja that Iruka knew that he couldn't spot here was the one he longed to see the most- Kakashi. The silver-haired jounin was nowhere to be found, a fact which greatly disheartened Iruka.

Five minutes before the trial began, the prosecutors arrived. Iruka watched them enter, but there were only two lawyers, no elder with them. The bastard that accused him didn't even have the guts to do it publicly!

The jury walked in two minutes before the trial and sat down in their seats. Iruka recognized a few of the ninja there, so he supposed they weren't all plants from the mystery-elder.

As the Hokage, dressed in formal black robes, made her way to the front of the outdoor courtroom, Iruka caught a glimpse of silver in the corner of his eye. He turned to find Kakashi slipping into the crowd. The jounin waved and winked at him. Iruka should have known he'd be late; if the chuunin had been close enough to hear, Kakashi probably would have been offering him a lame excuse for his tardiness.

"Order! Order!" Tsunade thundered. The crowds went silent.

"We will now begin."

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Susumu watched from his seat with the Counsel of Elders as the trial began. He was pissed off that so many people had come to watch, but Crow had provided more than enough evidence to override what the people thought.

The elder wished he could be up on the floor with the prosecution, but he couldn't risk the Prankster recognizing him. He needed to keep a low profile, so he left the job to a couple of lawyers. 'They'd better not much this up.' Susumu thought. The two were younger than he would've liked, not experienced enough, and they weren't his people. For some reason, the more well-known lawyers refused to take the case.

"The man known as the Prankster stands accused of disrupting the education of the village children and corrupting them-" the first lawyer began. The School Board of Directors stood up and interrupted him.

"We withdraw our complaint. The school in question has actually discovered a direct correlation between the Prankster's appearances and higher grades and attendance. He has increased moral as well. The Prankster has made a positive impact on our school, which is not, to the extent of my knowledge, a crime."

The lawyer looked a little confused by the interruption, but the gambling-bitch who was supposed to be an impartial judge didn't try to silence the School Board man or offer any punishment for his outburst. The lawyer skipped ahead in his notes to the next charge. Susumu hoped the other counsel members were observing how irresponsibly bias the Hokage was acting.

"There have also been concerns about thievery brought up agai-" This time, the grizzled old veterans stood up.

"We revoked out complaint weeks ago, you damned suit! Nothing has even been stolen. The Prankster is an honest man, which is more than we can say for you lawyer types!" The crowd cheered as the veterans sat down, and Tsunade made no move to try and resume order. The damn woman was making this trial into a circus!

The prosecutor flipped to the next page of his notes. "There have been 'pranks' that have been treasonous in nature, profaning the dignity of Hokage-sama and our village itself."

"I haven't complained about any of the pranks that have been played on me." Tsunade noted.

"With all due respect Hokage-sama, even if it doesn't bother you, it would be a sign of weakness if another village found out that you allowed this man to get away with implying you are too old to do your job." The lawyer argued timidly. The young man obviously wasn't prepared to have to confront the Hokage herself.

"If you're referring to the denture-prank, I actually wasn't involved in that." Iruka interjected. Susumu was ready to strangle someone. The Prankster wasn't supposed to talk yet! But the entire court had thrown legal precedents out the window and was arguing like this was some bar brawl rather than a judicial procedure.

"Why should we believe you, Prankster? You're the one who started this. Do you honestly believe that we'll trust you when you deny involvement?" The lawyer asked.

I haven't pranked anyone in two months." Iruka said.

The incompetent lawyer was about to rebut Iruka's claim, but the Hokage-bitch's aide Shizune cut him off.

"I was responsible for that one, sir. Are you going to charge me for treason too?"

"That was you, Shizune?" The Hokage asked, amused. If Susumu had had any hair on his head, he would have ripped it out. Unfortunately, he had been bald for years (AN: karma for trying to hurt Iruka, man-bitch!).

The first lawyer sat down and covered his face with his hands, too frustrated to continue. The second lawyer stood up and shouted the next claims, desperate to be heard over the cries of the crowd and the animated discussion of the pranks Shizune had played.

"Some of these supposed 'pranks' have endangered the village or members of the village!" Lawyer Two read off the pranks. Iruka hadn't done any of them. For every trick, someone in the audience raised their hands and confessed to having been responsible. Lawyer Two gave up on finding a prank Iruka was responsible for.

"There have been rumors of pedophilia surrounding your actions, Prankster." Lawyer Two said. The crowd went silent, wanting to hear how the Prankster would respond. The mothers who had been watching him with suspicious eyes waited eagerly. Susumu winced. The lawyer wasn't supposed to phrase it like that! Iruka jumped on the weakness of the claim immediately.

"I wasn't aware being the victim of a rumor is considered a crime in Konoha, sir. But I will say this, I don't have any inappropriate relationships with the young children of this village. I started wearing this mask and playing these pranks because I wanted to cheer them up in the aftermath of the Third Hokage's death. If I have a close relationship with the students, it's for a different reason than you think." Iruka took off his mask, exposing his identity to the village.

One of the mothers who had feared the rumors shouted, "That's Iruka-sensei! He's no pedophile!"

"He's one of the top sensei at the Academy!" Another added.

"That proves that your side has no real argument, that you have to rely on false rumors. You have no idea what you're talking about, lawyer-boy!" the veteran shouted again. The people shouted their agreement.

"Free Iruka-sensei!" The children began shouting. Soon, everyone in the square joined in. The second lawyer joined the first one. Tsunade gave them a sympathetic look and passed them a flask she pulled out of her robes. They both took long drinks.

It was time for the big guns now! Susumu stood up, cradling the manila folder Crow had produced for him.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka would have found the court proceedings unbelievably amusing if his life hadn't been hanging on the line. He felt relieved, of course, that everyone supported him and believed he was innocent.

He was sure the trial would finish soon and he'd be able to go home and celebrate with Kakashi.

The chanting of the crowd tapered off as an elder stood up from the stands and walked over to the prosecution's desk. Was this the elder who had brought these accusations? He looked vaguely familiar…

"Umino Iruka, you are accused of being a spy and passing valuable security information to the Hidden Village of Sound."

The audience shouted their disapproval.

"Shut up, you lying old geezer!"

"Iruka-sensei's innocent, wrinkle-bag!"

"Go to hell! Iruka-sensei rocks!"

"Hanabi! What have I told you about that language?"

"This incriminating letter was recovered from Umino's apartment, along with these important Konoha documents. He works the Mission Rooms; he has abused his position to steal from the record rooms and sell us out to Sound!" Susumu waved the letters around in the air.

"I work with Iruka in the Mission Room sometimes, and he's completely trust-worthy!" Kotetsu shouted.

"Besides, no ninja is ever left alone there. He wouldn't have a change to steal anything, even if he'd wanted to." Izumo said.

Iruka's elderly civilian landlady pushed herself up with her cane.

"When exactly was this letter found at Iruka-kun's apartment? I know whenever anyone comes in or out of my building, and no one has even come to investigate that apartment! Iruka's been framed!"

Wow, Iruka didn't need a lawyer with a crowd like this. While the square rebuked every argument Susumu made, even when he produced written 'evidence', Iruka took a moment to study the elder. He was so naggingly familiar!

The man couldn't have been more than five-six, and he had a large amount of paunch and a small amount of hair (mostly in his nose and ears, the disgusting bastard). His face was purple from all the shouting he was doing, with red lines where his wrinkles were.

…Red lines…

Iruka's eyes widened. Red lines! That was it! This was the man from the alley, the one whose forehead he'd marked on with his red grading sharpie! He should've been kicking himself for not recognizing him earlier, but he'd only ever seen Susumu once before that time, and he had been very distracted each time.

What had an Elder been doing in a darkened alley in the middle of the night, though?

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi noticed a change in Iruka as he spaced out during the Elder Susumu's yelling. That glint in his eyes meant he'd figured something out.

"You're the spy!" Iruka shouted, pointing at Susumu. The people around Kakashi gasped.

"How dare you accuse me, chuunin! You're obviously desperate because everything I've accused you of is true!"

Iruka acted as if he hadn't even heard Susumu.

"That's how you were able to get a letter from Sound that would make it look like I was guilty. That's why you had all this 'evidence' lying around. You want to get rid of me because I saw you making your deal in that alley!"

"Susumu-sama has been disappearing some nights." A ninja woman yelled. "I live next door to him, and I've seen him sneaking off."

"I bet you figured you could get rid of the witness and blame me for your crimes." Iruka shouted. "You've been selling information to Sound!"

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Susumu felt his blood pumping through his body, and the sound of his heart beating drowned out the gasps of the people. He'd been figured out, and it was all that damned Prankster's fault!

The Hokage-bitch gave a gesture and ANBU emerged from the crowd around him.

Yes, Susumu was working for Sound. He'd been passing along information to Orochimaru since the installment of Tsunade as Fifth Hokage. He'd been tired of having to serve under others when he should have been leader. The perverted old man and that blond upstart had been bad enough, but he'd be damned if he'd let himself get bossed around by that busty Tsunade-whore. Orochimaru had promised him rule of Konoha once it was overthrown, and a younger body as well.

Without information to offer Orochimaru, he doubted he'd be welcomed into Sound. If he could assassinate the Hokage, though, Orochimaru would accept him and doubtlessly give him a rejuvenated body as a reward.

Susumu hadn't been an active-duty ninja in twenty years, but he still kept two kunai on his person at all times. He jumped up past the unsuspecting guard with a speed a normal old man wouldn't have possessed, and dove at the Hokage.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka saw the glint of a kunai inside Susumu's robe as he dodged past the Hokage's guard and toward Tsunade-sama. ANBU was still too far away from her to protect her, but Iruka was only twenty feet away. As the mad Elder let loose the kunai, Iruka transported himself in front of Tsunade as he had once done for Naruto. The knife buried itself deep in his shoulder, and pain erupted throughout his body. 'The Hokage is safe, though. That's all that matters.'

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Damnit! That damned Prankster had ruined everything again. ANBU was getting closer; he had no chance of escape now. He still had one kunai left. If he could just kill the Hokage, he was sure Orochimaru would rescue him and take him to Sound. Yes, even if Susumu was killed, he had heard that Orochimaru could raise the dead. The Snake-man would have to do so for the man who killed the Hokage of Konoha!

He couldn't get to the Hokage, though. Umino was still standing in the way, a human shield to that damned woman.

Susumu had another thought. He couldn't get away, he couldn't kill the Hokage, but he could ensure he would get his revenge on Konoha. Umino Iruka was the only one who knew what his agent Crow looked like; if Susumu could just eliminate Iruka, Crow could continue selling Konoha out and destroy Umino, Tsunade, and all the other people in the village who had just made a mockery of him.

Susumu was rusty with his kunai; he hadn't used it in at least fifteen years. His wrists were feeble and his eyesight was deteriorating. If he had been at long range, he would never have made the shot.

Weakness of wrists and lack of practice don't make much of a difference when you throw from only a few feet away. At that sort of distance, even a feeble throw can be fatal.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Susumu's second hidden kunai sailed through the air. It was unexpected and too close to block. Iruka didn't have time to dodge it, and wouldn't even if he had; the Hokage was still behind him, and if he moved, the kunai would hit her instead.

He staggered backwards when the kunai struck. The pain rippled through him, dwarfing the older ache in his shoulder. He heard the screams of the villagers around him, and the clash of weapons. Soon, though, the sound faded away and was replaced with ringing. It was the worst sound in the world, he decided.

He glanced around for Kakashi as he felt his body slump to the ground, but couldn't see his silver-haired lover. There was a ring of black on the edge of his vision that slowly increased. The ringing in his ears disappeared, and everything was silent. The silence was worse than the ringing, he knew now. Between the growing darkness and the deafening silence, Iruka felt lonelier than he had even after his parents' deaths.

The blackness filled his sight completely. He wanted Kakashi. He wanted to see him, even just for a second, hear his voice, even if it was for the last time. He tried to call out for him, but he couldn't hear to know if he was successful. All he knew was that it hurt to move, hurt to breathe, hurt to think.

'Kakashi!' His mind called. It was the last thing he thought before his consciousness faded away as well.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Ha! How's THAT for a cliff-hanger? Well, if you've read my other stories, you probably know how this is gonna end. The way I have it planned (but not necessarily the way it will happen), there will be one more chapter and maybe a not-quite-completely related epilogue filled with smut, if you're all nice to me.

just to let you know, I have no knowledge of how trials proceed, so if I mess some things up or if it seems horribly unrealistic to you, please just ignore it and revel in the fact that you have a better legal mind than I do. This is fiction, so I make it up as I go, and in my head, this is how a Konoha trial would happen.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Just for future reference, any of you that were worried that this was going to end sadly, I'm a sucker for happy endings. In one original story I'm writing, I was planning to kill off my MC's brother, but then ended up liking him so much that I couldn't do it. Then I added in another character for the sole purpose of killing him off (it's a story about a war, so somebody has to die or it's not gonna be believable). Then I thought of all of these things I could do with him, and put him on the 'must live' list. I added in a THIRD character that I planned from the start to kill, but then I realized how perfect he'd be paired up with my second person. If I can't even kill off characters that I design with the sole purpose of death in mind, I would never be able to harm my beloved Iruka-sensei.

Prankster

Chapter 8: Death and Life

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

The crowd that had gathered around for Iruka's trial watched in horror as the Elder Susumu hurled a kunai at the Hokage. It seemed too impossible to them to even react; this old man, a respected elder of the village, betraying the village and attacking Tsunade-sama. No one seemed to know how to react, other than to sigh in relief when Iruka blocked the kunai with his shoulder.

The fact that the Elder would have a second kunai and would attempt to finish what he had all ready failed was inconceivable. When it happened, there were three different reactions from the people.

The civilians, small children, and wet-behind-the-ears ninja screamed and froze up.

The second group, comprised of shinobi, emptied out their arsenals on Susumu. The old man gave a strangled cry when the kunai left his hand and fell to the ground. When he was examined later for a mission report, it was discovered that he had been hit with twenty-nine kunai, twelve shuriken and three senbon, and that was just from Ten Ten. Needless to say, with nearly the entire village gathered around, the elder was transformed into a pincushion.

The third reaction came from those ninja that trained themselves in chakra control. It would have been impossible to deflect the kunai Susumu threw with another weapon because of the crowd behind and around Iruka; instead, they hurled their chakra at it to try to deflect it from its course.

In the end, Iruka and Susumu both collapsed amidst the chaos and panic. The elder was dead before he hit the ground. But, although she never found out, the chakra blast that Hyuuga Hinata sent at the kunai had been the only one concentrated enough and precise enough to alter its deadly path; instead of piercing Iruka's heart and killing him instantly, the knife was diverted a fraction of an inch the second before it hit.

So while Susumu died and the villagers spared no more sympathy for him than wishing he didn't have quite so many sharp objects embedded in him when they kicked his corpse (well, Genma did later lament the loss of a perfectly good senbon, since he refused to touch it after it had been in contact with 'that bastard traitor son of a bitch'), Iruka fell unconscious, not dead.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Tsunade was spattered with blood, a sight that would have petrified her a year before. Now, she ignored it and acted with the speed demanded of the greatest healer in Konoha.

The Fifth Hokage dropped down beside the man who had been her human shield. He was still breathing, but only shallowly, and with painful rattling sounds.

Shizune kneeled on the other side of Iruka's limp body. "How does it look, Hokage-sama?"

"His lung might be punctured, bit his heart is safe. If we work quickly, he'll still have a chance." Tsunade replied. She tore away the shirt that covered the wound and examined it with a trained eye.

All the medic-nins in the village responded immediately. They gathered around Iruka and the Hokage and began pouring their chakra into healing the wound. Sakura kept pressure on the wound to slow the bleeding, and Shizune and Tsunade guided the others along as they knitted up the hole and stabilized Iruka's condition.

A wound like the one Iruka had would have killed a man on the mission field. It was too much for a single medical-nin to handle. It might have even overwhelmed two or three medics. However, with the combined healing powers of every medical nin in Konoha, Iruka's injury was repaired in a matter of minutes.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi hurled three kunai at Susumu as he attacked Iruka, and he hoped they hurt the old bastard like hell before he died. As soon as the old man fell, Kakashi forgot about him and ran to where Iruka had fallen. A circle of medics blocked his way.

"You'll have to stay back, Kakashi-san. We need space if we're going to help Iruka-san." One young medic told him. Kakashi wondered if she was aware that he was Sharingan no Kakashi, the Man of a Thousand Jutsu, who could rip her spine completely out of her body if he wanted to, or blast her with a chidori. She wouldn't move though.

"Do you want him to die?" She asked. Of course Kakashi didn't. That's why he had to get over there, had to be beside Iruka, to make sure none of the medics messed anything up and no more dirty old men attacked him!

He couldn't get to Iruka, so he did the only thing he could. The jounin used his ANBU training to identify every possible hiding spot of a second assassin; he searched everywhere, kept an eye on every suspicious character he saw to make sure no one else was going to threaten Iruka. While he was verifying the security of the building tops and trees, he could also see past the crowds to where the medics were working on Iruka.

The civilians pitched in and led the children away from the scene where one dead man and one potentially dying man lay. The shinobi that didn't have any medical expertise either helped with crowd control or started moving Susumu's body away for examination.

Kakashi had checked the area three times. Now that he was absolutely sure the square was safe, now that he had nothing to distract him, he sat down on the street and began to panic. Iruka was going to die, he'd taken a direct hit, why couldn't it have been Kakashi instead of Iruka?

Beneath his hitai-ate, Obito's eye was sobbing, the cry-baby. 'I've failed another loved one,' Kakashi thought. 'I couldn't help my teammates, my sensei, my Hokage, my student, and now I couldn't save my lover.'

"Kakashi."

'I'm one of the strongest jounin in Konoha. Why couldn't I protect them? Why couldn't I protect him?'

"Kakashi!" Hands grabbed his shoulders and shook him roughly, tearing him from his thoughts. The scarecrow looked up and saw a blurry Asuma; somehow, Obito's tears must have gotten into Kakashi's eye. Strange. Kakashi wiped them away.

"They've taken Iruka to the hospital. He's still unconscious, but the Hokage says he should be able to pull through." The gruff jounin told Kakashi.

Kakashi jumped to his feet. "He's going to be okay? We've got to get to the hospital!" The silver-haired jounin took off without another word.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Although it hadn't seemed possible for the people's love for the Prankster to grow any more, it somehow did. When one of Iruka's students heard Tsunade telling Shizune and Sakura that Iruka was going to need a blood transfusion, every ninja in Konoha went to the hospitals and clinics to donate blood. The nurses and doctors didn't have the heart to tell them that the blood would take a few days to process, so nothing that was donated on the spot could go to Iruka. They ran out of space to store all of the blood donated, but the villagers still came to offer more.

With the efforts of Konoha's healers, Iruka wasn't going to die, but he was still unconscious and would remain that way for a few days while his body recovered from the injury and the energy taken by healing. Only a few special visitors were allowed in to see him (mainly Kakashi, and mainly because he came wielding many sharp weapons that none of the hospital staff doubted he would use if they were to deny him access to his chuunin), but that didn't stop the villagers from sending fruit baskets, balloons, get well cards, prank items, and stuffed dolphin plushies.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Iruka woke up confused. He wasn't in his own bed, or in Kakashi's. The stiff cot he laid in screamed 'hospital', as did the antiseptic smell and the logic of Iruka's muddled thoughts. The place didn't look like a hospital, however. It looked like some sort of toy shop. Iruka was surrounded by stuffed animals and balloons. The walls were covered with brightly colored construction paper cards.

Iruka located several rubber chickens and a whoopee-cushion in the jumble, which was even more confusing. What the hell kind of hospital was this? He took a kunai for the Hokage and this joke-shop was the kind of treatment he got? Maybe he'd been dosed up with some sort of drug and this was just a hallucination…

Well, if it was, it was a very welcome one, because Kakashi came striding through the door with arms full of more get-well gifts. The copy nin dropped them when he saw that Iruka was awake and dove on Iruka.

"Ahh, Kakashi… kunai!" Iruka gasped.

"That's not my kunai. I'm just happy to see you!" Kakashi said, pulling down his mask and licking Iruka's ear.

"Not yours! The kunai hole in my chest! Get off of it!"

Kakashi jumped back quickly, giving Iruka a sheepish grin. "Sorry." He said, pushing a pile of plushies off the chair beside Iruka's bed and sitting down.

"What is all this stuff?" Iruka asked, gesturing to the gaudy cards and balloons and presents.

"Get well presents from the villagers. They've been worried about you." Kakashi told him. Although he was now treating Iruka as if he might break at any second, Kakashi couldn't keep his hands off of the sensei. He brushed his fingers gently along Iruka's face and wound them through his hair, as if he needed to feel Iruka to assure the other man was really still there.

"And what about you?" Iruka asked.

"I might have been a little worried." Kakashi admitted.

"A little?" Tsunade asked incredulously as she walked in the door. "He came in here sobbing, and he threatened seven different old men just for walking by your door."

"I wasn't sobbing! Maybe Obito was, but he always was a cry-baby. And those men could have been spies. It's my job to protect Iruka." Kakashi retorted. Iruka just shook his head and smiled at the thought of Kakashi worrying over him so much. It was rather endearing…

"Four of them were in walkers, Kakashi!" Tsunade pointed out.

…or just a little bit creepy.

The Hokage turned to her patient. "How are you feeling, Iruka-kun?" She asked, eyes full of concern.

"Fine, I guess. A little sore, can't move too much without hurting. I'd like a shower; I feel rancid." Iruka confessed.

"Kakashi, go have one of the nurses get a sponge bath ready for Iruka. Don't complain, Iruka! I don't want you standing up yet, you could give yourself internal bleeding."

At the Hokage's orders, Kakashi went out to procure a sponge bath for Iruka. Tsunade sat down on the edge of Iruka's bed.

"You didn't have to protect me, you know." She said.

"I know, Hokage-sama. It was an honor to be able to risk my life for you." He replied.

"Well, don't be doing anything stupid like that again, kid! I'm not made out of glass! I could survive an attack like that better than you could. I've got chakra built up in my body just for cases like that."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Iruka replied again.

"I mean it, Iruka! I don't want you throwing away your life unnecessarily. Understood?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade leaned forward and planted a tiny kiss on Iruka's forehead.

"Thank you for saving me, Iruka." She whispered.

"You're welcome, Tsunade-sama." He told her, smiling. Tsunade checked him over quickly, declared that he was healing up nicely, and left the room.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi passed eight nurses in the Konoha hospital before he found one that he would even consider trusting Iruka to. Some of them were scary old ladies; others were handsome young men who were probably jumping for a chance to get their hands up his Iruka's hospital gown. 'There's not a chance in hell I'm gonna let them near Iruka!' Kakashi thought.

He rejected a middle-aged man nurse with wiggly eye brows and a mustache that looked like a large caterpillar, just because he was too disturbing.

The nurse Kakashi finally settled on was a young woman who sat behind the check-in desk reading a novel. Iruka wasn't attracted to women, so Kakashi didn't need to worry about that, and this one looked sane at least.

"Tsunade-sama needs someone to give Iruka a sponge bath." Kakashi told her.

"OMG! I'll be up there in a flash!" The girl responded eagerly. She tossed her book down and began filling up a bowl, squealing all the while.

The girl had responded much too eagerly for Kakashi's liking. As soon as she had everything needed for the bath gathered together on a little cart, he tied her up and placed her in a storage closet.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"I thought Tsunade-sama asked a nurse to do that." Iruka said when Kakashi walked into the room with a bowl and a sponge.

"You're not the only patient at this hospital, 'Ruka. The nurse got a little tied up, so I offered to give you your bath. This is much better for security, too." Kakashi pointed out, speaking more literally than Iruka knew.

"What, you think the sponge-bath nurse is a spy or something?" Iruka asked and rolled his eyes.

"There is still a spy in the village, Iruka." Kakashi responded, dead serious. "Susumu's subordinates came to the Hokage and confessed everything the bastard was doing after he was killed. They said there's a second agent in the village that was helping pass on information to Sound, but they don't know who it is. This agent could still be after you."

"That's right! There was a second man in the alley! I need to talk to the Hokage or Ibiki-san right away, Kakashi!" Iruka shouted. He tried to jump up out of his cot, but Kakashi pushed him back down.

"I'll get someone to come after your bath." Kakashi said, picking up the sponge and pulling the hospital sheets that covered Iruka down.

"This is important, Kakashi!" Iruka yelled, swatting the jounin away.

"Fine." Kakashi snorted. "But as soon as this is over, I get to give you your bath."

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"No, no, his nose isn't that big. And you've got the eyes all wrong." Iruka told the ninja who was trying to sketch the second agent. The artist looked at Ibiki, who shrugged. He flipped to a new page of his sketchpad and began again.

"This isn't working." Iruka mumbled. What a stupid way of trying to find a ninja. It seemed like there should be an easier way of doing this, something involving chakra. He was a ninja, after all; why was he doing this the civilian way?

"Do either of you have a camera?" He asked them, getting an idea. They shook their heads. Iruka gave Kakashi a questioning stare. The copy nin grunted, but he hopped out the window and returned a minute later with a disposable camera in hand.

"This is what he looks like." Iruka said. He henged himself into a perfect replica of the shinobi known as Crow, the second Sound agent. Kakashi snapped a few pictures and tossed the camera to Ibiki.

"Why didn't I ever think of that?" Ibiki asked out loud. Maybe it was true what they said about chuunin making the village work with their common sense.

"Leave now." Kakashi ordered the interrogator and the artist, not caring that Ibiki outranked him. "It's Iruka-kun's bath time!"

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Crow would have fled Konoha as soon as Susumu was killed, but he had been surrounded by the ANBU squad that was rushing to secure the area. After that, he was called into the office for a mission. If he had refused, he would have raised suspicion. He had no choice but to accept it. The double agent had been out of the village for two days, but hadn't been able to slip away from the other Konoha ninja and escape.

There was always hope that the Prankster wouldn't recover, or that he hadn't seen Crow clearly enough through the shadows of the alleyway to be able to identify him. Crow wasn't a very hopeful shinobi, though, and that had kept him alive for a long time.

For the first time since the trail, Crow had the chance to escape the village; it was ironic that it happened at the same time rumors were spreading that Umino Iruka had woken up.

If that were the case, Crow would have to hurry. He shoved his belongings into a backpack and pulled his sandals onto his feet. Before he could slip out of the window, though, a knock came at his door.

'Shit!' Crow thought. That chakra signal was ANBU, and by the time they knocked, they already had the entire premise surrounded. Sure enough, there was a plaster-masked wolf face an inch away from his own as he looked back through the window. Crow dropped his pack and put his hands in the air.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

"It's bath time!" Kakashi shouted as he ripped the sheets off of Iruka and began tugging at his hospital robe ("no back," he pointed out. "How convenient!")

"Wait! Shouldn't someone certified be doing this?" Iruka asked desperately, although Kakashi ignored his protests and started washing his left arm.

"Nope. I told you, the staff is tied up." Kakashi said. Well, that was only partially true. Only _half_ of the staff was really _tied up_, because he didn't want the other patients not to have anyone to take care of them. He'd only bound and gagged the ones who didn't look busy, and threatened those that had other things to do with eminent death should they interrupt.

"I guess this isn't so bad." Iruka admitted a few minutes later. Kakashi was washing him tenderly and acting appropriately for a public place, and Iruka felt much better now that he was cleaner.

"I told you. You just need to relax." Kakashi worked his way down Iruka's body, but kept his washing innocent.

"Mmhmm." Iruka sighed. Kakashi finished washing him and traded the sponge for a washcloth. He massaged Iruka's body with the warm cloth. The chuunin's body went lax and he smiled lazily at Kakashi.

Iruka had his eyes shut; otherwise, he would have seen the mischievous smirk on his lover's face. He once again headed down Iruka's body with the cloth. The sensei was completely off guard because of Kakashi's previous good behavior. That said, when Kakashi caught him in a very inappropriate-for-public-places hold, Iruka gasped in surprise.

"I've missed you." He told his chuunin. Kakashi hopped on the hospital cot and curled up beside Iruka, still not releasing his grip on the washcloth or what was underneath the washcloth. He was very glad he'd seen underneath the underneath of this man.

"I missed you too." Iruka whispered to him. He still couldn't move much without splitting pain in his chest, but as soon as he could, they'd be showing each other exactly how much they'd missed each other.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Well, that's it for the actual story part of Prankster! bows to audience

I hope you liked it. There should be an epilogue that doesn't have much to do with the story, but will serve as practice for my smut-writing. Thank you so much to all my readers!


	9. Epilogue

Prankster

Epilogue: Sponge Bath!

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Three months after Iruka's release from the hospital, life in Konoha was pretty much back to normal. Yes, the villagers still looked happier than they had before the Prank War and Iruka's students half-worshiped him, but the spies had been caught and the occurrence of pranks was decreasing. Iruka taught his children and Kakashi went on missions much like they had before.

It was on a normal, B-rank mission that the great Sharingan-no-Kakashi, Man of a Thousand Jutsus, managed to get injured and land himself in Konoha Hospital.

"How is he, sensei?" Iruka asked the doctor that walked out of the room where Kakashi lay.

"The injury itself isn't bad; he'll heal up in a couple of days. The blade was poisoned though, so we're going to have to ask him to remain here so we can monitor his reactions." The doctor said. Iruka wondered if this particular doctor knew Kakashi's reputation with hospitals; the Copy Nin, no matter how gravely injured, never stayed a patient for more than a few hours.

"The staff was wondering, under the circumstance, if you could convince Kakashi-san to stay here until we're sure he's safe." The doctor continued. Ok, maybe the doctor _did_ know about Kakashi. But what was Iruka supposed to do to make Kakashi stick around?

Well, there was one thing that was guaranteed to work, for a little while at least.

"I will try my best, sensei, but I do have a few conditions if you want this to work." Iruka told him at last.

"Anything you need." The doctor assured him.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi ripped the IV tube out of his vein and unlatched the window. The hospital staff was stupid if they thought he was unconscious, and even stupider if they thought he was going to stay in this horrible, sterile place unguarded. The décor was non-existent, the food was nasty, and there was a nurse who kept trying to take off his mask when she thought he was asleep.

'Freedom!' Kakashi thought, feeling a warm breeze blow in through the window. If those nurses though putting him on the third floor with no trees nearby was going to keep him from escaping, they obviously didn't know who they were dealing with. He was Sharingan-no-Kakashi; he had dealt with Bingo-book criminals, servants of Orochimaru, and even Super-Angst!Sasuke.

"Not so fast, Kakashi." A voice ordered. Kakashi froze, one foot all ready out the window.

"When did you get here, Iruka-kun?" He asked sheepishly, without turning around.

"Just a minute ago. Get back in here."

Kakashi turned around like a beaten puppy and sat back down on his hospital cot. "I was just opening a window, you know. It was stuffy in here. Wasn't tying to escape or anything." He insisted. "Can I leave yet?" Kakashi asked in his best annoying-child voice.

"Nope. You've been exposed to poison, Kakashi, You're going to have to stay here until it is neutralized." Iruka sat down beside Kakashi and began fussing over his wound, a slice on his left side.

"I'm immune to the all the type of poisons the Mist Ninja use, 'Ruka. I'm fine. Can I go home now?" As an elite ninja, Kakashi excelled in many things. Apparently, whining was one of his elite skills.

"No. I promised the doctor I'd keep you here, at least until he can run a few tests."

Kakashi glared at Iruka for a moment, then sighed.

"I'm boooooored!" he whined. "Is it time to leave yet?"

Iruka cuddled up beside his lover. "What if I promise to keep you entertained?" He whispered. "Would you stay here?"

Kakashi looked into Iruka's eyes, which were full of promise. Was Iruka offering what he thought he was offering? And in a public place, no less… Kakashi nodded.

"Good!" Iruka shouted, jumping up from the hard little cot. He ran out of the room, shouting back over his shoulder. "I'll be back in a moment, and if you're not here, you'll regret it!"

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

Kakashi lay stiffly back into the cot (he hated the damned uncomfortable things; they were just one more proof that hospitals were evil). The copy ninja hoped that Iruka would hurry up with whatever he was doing; being alone in hospital rooms reminded him too much of that lonely time he'd spent waiting to hear news about his old teammates, only to learn the worse.

'Maybe Iruka will put on one of those nurse's uniforms for me!' He thought, trying to distract himself from his morbid line of thinking. 'Or maybe he wants to play 'doctor'.'

Okay, so that probably wasn't going to happen, but a guy could always hope, right?

Kakashi was soooo bored, though. He never did have much of an attention span outside of missions. Even the thought of Iruka couldn't keep him distracted for long. He counted the ceiling tiles, but got tired of that halfway through and started shredding the sheets on his cot instead. When he was lying in a little shredded nest, he moved on to target practice, using little cubes of hospital jell-o as projectiles and the open window as his target. The confused cries of the unfortunate people below kept him occupied for all of three minutes.

Needless to say, by the time Iruka returned (nearly two minutes later), the room was in tatters.

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

As soon as his lover walked back in the room and nearly dropped the bowl he was carrying in shock, Kakashi knew he was going to be in trouble. Not that he cared, though; Sharingan-no-Kakashi knew very well what that bowl and sponge were for, and his mind was too busy happily singing for Iruka's death glare to take any real effect.

'Sponge bath, sponge bath, sponge bath!' Inner Kakashi sang, even shuffling around mentally in an impromptu victory dance.

Iruka observed the glazed look Kakashi had on his face and decided punishment would have to wait; when Kakashi looked like that, it meant he would respond to only one thing, and it definitely _wasn't_ discipline. The chuunin sat the bowl down carefully on the table beside Kakashi's bed and began to peel his clothes off, piece by tantalizing piece.

Kakashi's mind froze mid-shuffle.

'Naked…Sponge…Bath.' Was its final thought before it melted completely out of existence. Kakashi, sans mind, blinked.

"I wouldn't want my clothes getting wet." Iruka teased, purposefully letting his hitai-ate slip and then bending over fully to pick it up. The mindless Kakashi shell drooled.

Iruka stripped the compliant Kakashi-shell out of his hospital robe and tossed it over his shoulder with a giggle. Kakashi leaned forward and licked Iruka's lips, eyes begging Iruka to join him on the bed. The chuunin settled on the very edge of the cot and pulled the bowl over until it was easily in reach.

The jounin watched, transfixed, as Iruka lifted the dripping sponge and wrung out the excess water. The chuunin brushed the sponge across Kakashi's chest, leaving a trail of warm water that made him shiver in contrast to the cold room. Iruka dipped the sponge again, ran it across Kakashi's body, and repeated. Every touch left Kakashi's skin tingling. Iruka washed Kakashi's chest and arms and legs and sides (carefully cleaning Kakashi's wound and covering in feather-light kisses when he reached it), but avoided the straining cock that had hardened when Iruka had bent over, before the bath even began.

"Turn over." The sensei ordered. Kakashi, still without a mind of his own with which to think, complied. Iruka scrubbed the broad, scarred back and traced his finger down the pale spine, making Kakashi shiver. Kakashi's taunt ass was next, and received a gentle pinch on the cheeks when it was finished. Upper thighs and everywhere else that Iruka hadn't been able to reach before were caressed with warm water.

"Over again." Iruka said. Kakashi flipped back onto his back. Iruka finally brushed his sponge along Kakashi's length; Kakashi sighed with contentment. 'Finally!'

A few more brushes up and down and Iruka tossed the sponge back into the bowl.

"All done!" He proclaimed.

What? That was it?

That better not be it!

Iruka studied Kakashi's cock with a frown. He ran a finger up and around it, gave it a questioning lick, and shook his head. "You seem a little stiff." He told Kakashi gravely. 'No, really?' Kakashi thought.

"I've heard massages can help with stiffness." Iruka continued sagely. Kakashi nodded rigorously. The chuunin sensei produced a little tube and squirted a generous amount of lubricant into his hand. Talented shinobi fingertips spread the lube around and worked the heated flesh beneath until Kakashi's blood boiled.

"Oh dear." Iruka proclaimed voice full of feigned innocence. "This doesn't seem to be helping. Maybe we should try something else?"

Kakashi wanted to shake his head or say "Hell no! This is working just fine!", but Iruka had the poor infirmed copy-ninja (AN no pun intended, but that line makes immature me laugh!) trapped in his seductive gaze.

Iruka crawled over Kakashi slowly, eyes never leaving his lover's. The chuunin's tanned shoulder blades shifted like a cat's do when it stalks its prey. He stopped when he his face was directly over Kakashi's and their groins were conveniently aligned. He settled down on top of the jounin, straddling him.

Kakashi groped around the bedside table for the lubricant to prepare his lover, but his hand landed in the sponge-bath bowl. He shifted around, but before he could find it, Iruka positioned himself above Kakashi and began to lower himself down. Kakashi felt a brief wave of sympathy for Iruka (he'd be pretty sore when they were finished), but decided it would be okay because Iruka was setting the pace and would go slowly. At least, that was what he figured before Iruka thrust down suddenly and made any reasoning he'd recovered fly away once again.

Kakashi grunted. Iruka continued to ride him recklessly, pausing only once when Kakashi's bandages loosened. When the wound didn't open back up, the chuunin resumed his thrusts and leaned forward to capture Kakashi's lips and silence the moans.

Iruka impaled himself fully on Kakashi's length and came all over both their stomachs. As his muscles clenched, they drove Kakashi to climax a moment later. They lay on the cot for a few minutes, Iruka still on top of Kakashi, both gasping for breath.

"Are you entertained?" Iruka huffed.

"Very entertained." Kakashi replied. "I think I'm going to need another bath though." He said, eyeing the sticky mess between them.

"Cats give baths with their tongues." Iruka pointed out. "Too bad you're more of a dog person."

"I don't dislike cats." Kakashi said quickly. "And us dogs are very talented with out tongues."

KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI

The poor doctor and nurse team that had been assigned the feared job of taking care of one Hatake Kakashi cringed when it was finally time to check up on him a few hours later. They didn't know what he would do to try to escape, but they prayed fervently that it didn't involve any sharp objects.

They made sure to knock before entering the room; Iruka-san had been adamant that they do so if he was going to help. They hoped they wouldn't find him tied up on unconscious for trying to keep Kakashi in the room; their jobs were busy enough as it was.

They were surprised, though, to enter Kakashi's room and find him resting peacefully on the bed. The explanation of his good behavior lay curled up beside him, sleeping and looking like an angel. They were both dressed, fortunately, although both looked slightly rumpled (that could just be from sleeping on the cot, though, the hospital staff reasoned).

"We're here to run a few tests, Hatake-san." The nurse said, keeping her voice low for the sake of the slumbering Iruka.

Kakashi nodded his assent and focused his attention on his lover as they poked and prodded and stuck him with various needles.

"We're done now, Hatake-san." The doctor said at last. Kakashi didn't look up from Iruka.

"Thank you for your compliance." The nurse whispered. The team turned to leave. As they shut the door, they both could have sworn they heard Kakashi whisper, "Maybe hospitals aren't so bad after all." They both knew better than to believe that, though. Honestly. They decided a coffee break was in order for them; hallucinations are a sign of overwork.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

And that's it: a smutty and hopefully humorous epilogue, having absolutely nothing to do with the story. This happened when I was writing the first sponge-bath scene in my head. The scene worked better with Kakashi receiving and Iruka giving, thus the epilogue was born. The story is really over now, I swear.

Thanks for reading! I've had fun writing. I'm thinking I might do some SasuNaru next, or maybe dabble in another fandom for a while. I'm kind of out of KakaIru ideas for the moment. Never fear, though. There will always be more popping up in my head later.


End file.
